Emotional intelligence, emotional maturity, self-social discipline, unquestionable loyalty and faithfulness are a must. Probably the reason, I will die single.
I have been turned down by at least three serious women that I really wanted to date. They said NO, and they meant it. When you are tall, dark, handsome and intelligent, if you will, you don’t expect a woman to say NO and just carry on as if she has not broken a golden rule in the universe.
Rather than resenting them, I ended up respecting them the more. And for a reason.
One went by the name Barbra. She was a tiny, petite thing. Absolutely pretty. She was probably three years younger than me, making her more delirious. I met her in the University of Nairobi’s Main Campus with her father on the day she was joining. We sat on those heavy slabs donated by the Alumni. I can’t remember where her father had gone, but we had some 20 minutes with her. I was with my nemesis Plato. She talked to us, more out fear and gave us her number, in the hope that we won’t bother her.
She was wrong. We soon bumped into her and became good friends. We did tea together at the college canteen a dozen times. After a long and protracted debate with Plato, it was agreed that I should take her up. I was so sure that I will win. I had given her time to get used to the campus environment. I also wanted her to understand that I was not taking advantage of her young age and presumed naivete to seduce her. We had a good lunch once in one of the better restaurants closer to campus. I didn’t mention anything. I didn’t see any connection or chemistry, so I postponed the proposal.
Then a few weeks later I called her to a lecture hall, sat her down to propose. See, I can be stupid. Really? A lecture hall! Pathetic is a compliment. She said NO. And then avoided me, ever since like my sight reminded her of city council toilets back in the 90s. But I respected her and pinched myself hard for being so presumptive.
Then there was Natasha. The girl who nearly got me run over by a vehicle after the post-election violence. Every man has had that one Crush that nearly crashed them. Mine was Natasha. Boy, I really felt this girl. Every time she walked into the lecture hall, my heart skipped. She was the most fashionable female student in my time in campus. She always got it right. She had a snobbery about her that I really admired. She was beautiful. She was impossible. Not very blessed with ASSets, my buddy Plato once compared her buttocks to the size of two tear drops but that could not deter me. I liked and loved her so much. Plato is stupid. And he was just being mean, given that she could not stand his wily smile, and his vampire face. She actually threatened to throw Plato in jail, for being a nuisance and stalking her.
For three years, I grappled with the urge to speak my heart out. Many days I gathered courage, only for the balls to desert me on my hour of need. She could intimidate, with big talk. And often she could be so stuck up! But so what? I loved her. Anytime I stood around her, she made me sweat profusely and my heart used to race unhealthily. But I survived. I think what I suffered prepared me to the tough life that I have encountered after campus.
I once booked a meeting with her claiming that I had a serious thing to tell her. She agreed. I had long come to terms that I will never have her and the best way to deal with it is to tell her and move on. And one bright afternoon, we sat in a corridor to a lecture hall (again!) and I poured my heart out. She listened keenly, without interrupting. I told her the pain and the agony. About almost being run over by a car. She was unmoved. No tapping my hand even to comfort me. No handkerchief to clean tears gathering around my eyes. Not even a serviette. OK, not even a tissue paper. I mean, can anyone be so worse than shit-literary. She sat there, probably, wondering how a man, tall and with a beard, could be so spacey and helpless. Mayne!
She understood my case and claimed to have never ever noticed that I was interested in her. May be. But I was so relieved and I have never been relieved so much in my adult life. Getting over that was really cathartic. And it taught me to look women for what they are: MEAN and SELFISH. I moved on and I am a better person. I often accept what I can’t have and take life whichever way it comes.
Until, another beautiful and intelligent lass showed up and swept me off my feet. Laura was her name and again we discovered her in a line at the University’s eatery. I have written many times about her. To wit: she was arguably the most intelligent girl I have ever interacted with, beautiful with a pair of legs that could be served with Ugandan Matoke. She raised my hopes. And then,she came with a needle to the balloon carrying all my hope and pricked it. And she disappeared. More disgustingly with the beers she had promised me. I mean if she had to be so mean, at least she should have bought me my beer. But she made her choice. And I assume, none of her boyfriends ever drowned or chocked since then. More to the point, she said NO and released me, so professionally, it made me doubt her professed age.
I have never hated or resented these women for saying NO to the nicest person on Earth. Ignore the self-pampering by the way. But I have learnt a lot and today I share with you the best qualities I cherish in a woman. I have four…
1. A woman has to be emotionally intelligent
Only one woman I have ever gone out with who refused to dance ‘indecently’ with a friend of mine. That friend is quite a looker and many lady friends have this annoying habit of whispering to my ears that
“He is hot,”, or “He has energy” which is the male equivalent of saying that woman is f**kable. He is equally a bad boy in good measure. She danced with him, but not bad enough to give a man a heart attack. She acknowledged that the drinks were on me and she had to act maturely. And she did earn her respect for that. To date, she is one of the decent women, I know. Wait, let me ring her…
Many other women that I have taken out have ended up disappointing me. The fact that I am disabled and I can’t dance has not helped matters. I have seen some rub their ass on other men,strangers, no less, exchange numbers and behave in a way that can provoke one to use a bottle to communicate sense to some son of a woman. Those bloody opportunists who don’t buy drinks but ever so ready to pounce on your woman to dance-f**k them on the dance floor. Really disgusting. NKT!
An emotionally intelligent woman is the one who understands than men are just as sensitive as women and does nothing to upset him. An emotionally intelligent woman respects herself and her man and knows what her man wants and does not take stupid flattering from men, hell bent to lower her pants. She has seen it all; she can laugh, lightly and smile but at the end of the day will make it clear that she is seeing someone. She doesn’t cheat, nor can she cheat as long as she is in a relationship.
2. Emotionally mature
A woman has to be emotionally mature. An insecure woman who needs approval from everyone is not a good one. I think by 23 everyone should have known their strengths and weaknesses. You should know if you are beautiful or not. If you have an ass worth looking at or not. You should have known the right kind of makeup that works for you.
You should be confident with yourself, your skin, your body, et al. I like women who are contented with what they have and they focus to build their character.
You want a woman that you can trust even if you went to jail, she will stick by you. You want a woman who already knows the world is an ass, and a bad one at that. Men are selfish. Women are selfish. You want a woman who respects herself. Not one who has slept with so many that if their dykes were to be laid from one end to another, it can plumb a building like Times Towers. Nowadays, it is possible to meet a woman who has lost count to the men who have slept with her. At only 22.
3. Self-social discipline
This refers to that quality of discretion. Doing the right thing at the right time. Respecting your friends and dressing appropriately. Not insisting that she must accompany you to a bar. Not Facebooking with ex-boyfriends. Not What-sapping some buggers somewhere. Not drinking men’s drinks only to turn their sexual advances later on.
Social discipline involves drawing boundaries on what is expected of a woman in the traditional sense, without the abuse or the chauvinism of course. A woman should be a lady. Cook, wash or get the domestic chores done, in the event that she works, she can arrange those things to be done.And definitely with the support of the man.
4. Absolute loyalty and faithfulness
This one is a long shot. Anyone who knows where they make faithful women anymore? Direct me there. Women are just as jumpy and unfaithful as men. Your average woman in Nairobi has become a nymphomaniac that a man can scarcely meet her sexual needs. You have seen the rise of lesbianism unravel in front of us. Nowadays, some walk around with dildos and have boyfriends everywhere, in offices, in better neighbourhoods. They sleep in lodgings…
But I still I believe that there are one or two faithful woman out here. One who can be loyal and trusting…It is, but a forlorn hope.