About Growth

It is a new month as we start the next half the year.

I want to be positive this month. If I sound like a motivation speaker, it is because I want to be one. Ha ha.

Now, the future is one of the biggest complex mysteries of life. If you are approaching or you are in your mid-30s, or older, chances are, you are not anywhere near where you wanted to be, say seven years ago. And chances are, you could be worse off, or so better off than you ever imagined, though the latter is less likely.

Now.

When I was in university, one of the best things I discovered were the commencement speeches. Man, nothing packs so much wisdom, that college kids so badly need like good commencement speeches. Among the best that still remain fresh and relevant even for an adult like me, include, Mary Schmich’s Wear the Sunscreen, (delivered in her Chicago Tribune column, mistakenly distributed as Kurt Vonnegut or Koffi Annan’s speech to one of the top American universities.) There is the JK Rowling one at Harvard and the famous Steve Job’s premonitory and life-altering speech at Stanford. And comedian Conan O’Brien’s two speeches at Havard (2000) and Dartmouth (2011). Both are hilarious, but there is something he said in the Dartmouth speech that I live by, or with.

“Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42. One’s dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course.”I am glad that I learnt these words in my mid-20s, and ten years later, they have never been truer.

The dreams I had ten years ago for myself are no longer true or relevant, as I have had to make a lot of adjustments to suit new realities.And I look back. 20 years ago, I was finishing primary school. I recently looked at my pictures on the day we did our KCPE. There I am, a fat kid, with a smile. There is one we took with the four bright boys of that class, one of them sadly departed. I would never know that one of us, will be gone within three years.

But in 2000, if you told me that ten years later, I will be in the heart of the yeasty student politics of the University of Nairobi, that propelled Babu Owino to the SONU chairmanship, launching his chequered political career it would have sounded rather silly and frivolous. And ten years ago, if you told me in 2020, I will be in the strangest place an adult can find him or herself, I would called you a witch, and probably reported you to Central Police Station.

But life happens.

There was a period in the last few years I thought I had stagnated in life. I was still stuck in that misplaced youthful zeal, that I will never grow old. Because, I retained a flat stomach, up to around three years ago, when I started developing a potbelly that is now completely out of hand. My left knee is totally bonkers and I can’t even squat without this excruciating pain that makes me call my mother.

So far, the offending potbelly that I have starved, walked a million miles to fight is my first sign that I am not growing younger. Then there is the heightened awareness that I can’t put five teaspoons of sugar, that we used to put in our cups with David Osiany shocking everyone at the table. And when I eat red meat consecutively for two days as it is the norm every weekend, I see my coffin.

These things never used to bother me. I used to dismiss working out, but every person I meet reminds me that I am overweight and that spells trouble. It is all about growth.But that is physical growth. There is mental and spiritual growth. My focus this morning. People never deliberately mature up. Touch choices in life makes people to grow up.

And reality is a wild ogre. Sometimes he claws you from your fantasies leaving you battered. In the last few years, I have had to make some very tough decisions as a man. Some serious blind leaps of faith, with disastrous consequences. But I discovered in life, you have to act. Sometimes even without clear directions. And whereas some decisions have to be made hastily, sometimes under the foggiest circumstances, you have to act and hope that in the future that everything that didn’t make sense, will be clear as a wiped mirror.

We all don’t know, where we will be ten years from now. Could be better off. Or worse off. But as a believer, I have to accept, it doesn’t matter where you will be as long as you train your brain to accept the circumstances and work with what life will serve you at that moment.

Ten years from now, you may be rich or poor. You may be sick or in rude good health. Your business may pick or may not pick. You may be employed or jobless. You may be married or divorced. Or married to your third or fourth spouse. And that is life.

I was served a raw deal at a young age. But the most important lesson the raw deal taught me is that to borrow from Ayn Rand, the universe is indifferent. Thus, with all the imperfections, with all the incompleteness, I try to find abundance. In books. In humor. In friends, who always turn up. In food. In travel. And in a drink occasionally.

But a few things that adulthood will teach you is anxiety is a common theme of adulthood. I am yet to meet an adult who is not anxious about something that they are not totally in control. Many a time, the wives of my friends have called me to ask me if I am with their hubby. And since I rarely lie, I always hear their heart cracking as they are worried if their men are safe. We are all worried about finances. About disease (terminal or something troubling like yeast infections). About our parents. About our siblings. Our businesses. The economy. Our jobs. And if an Arsenal fan…

But what I have learnt is that in all our anxieties, the only thing you can do is to be calm. It is true, everything passes. Sometimes, it leaves us shaken and badly bruised. Sometimes it leaves you rock bottom. But to borrow a cliché, rock bottom is usually a good foundation.

Many times over, life will throw you down. Many times over you will bury a loved one. Many times over you will go bankrupt. Many times over, you will be sick or deal with a sick relation. But learn never to take these things personally, even when your misery is as a direct result of another human being, usually a beloved family member. Cheer up. Know that tomorrow, may not be better, but in another year, or two, you will smile and thank God why some things happened.

Your only job is to stay alive. And don’t ever romanticize stress or depression. Battle it out. Find help as soon as you can. Because we are all swimming in the ocean of life, and some are dealing with horrible waves, some floating along, but all of us, have a common destination.

Have a reflective day, won’t you.