Women always think on the short-term

Probably the one subject I know better than anyone on earth is how women sometimes cannot look beyond their noses. They are hopelessly shortsighted where it matters and far long-sighted on irrelevant things. Before women bay for my blood, hear me out first.

Women are the only human beings capable of undoing a man’s ten-year effort for something as minor as arriving home late at night smelling of some odd perfume. Rather than seek an explanation, she might proceed to break every single electronic in the house. Women are capable of abandoning their boyfriend of six years simply because they met this descendant of Adam who appreciated their new hairdo. Women want to be appreciated all the time like children, so much so that if as a man you forgot reminding her that she is beautiful, she might jump to bed with the douche-bag who says anything flattering or kind to her. NKT.

I remember this woman who was told that her husband was with a woman in a ka-local. She went there and in the parking she deflated all the car tires and walked in wielding a kitchen knife only to discover the husband was with his sister, having a drink.

Women are always carried away by simple material things. I remember one famous TV personality getting cozy with some loser just because he had on some nice subtle cologne and wore some expensive jacket. At that very moment, the guy owed me enough money to pay two-months rents in place like South C.

I have been in the situations where I called for divine intervention. I remember a few years ago, taking some girl out. We were not conventionally dating, given that she had a fling with a friend. We were still navigating on how best to go about it. But she had expressed her emotional intentions and I had expressed my physical intentions. I had called my boy Caleb to ferry us around town and he agreed to join us for drinks. When we got out, it was Caleb who was buying the rounds. Given that Caleb drove and was buying, apparently she thought him a better bet.

I lost concentration for one fleeting moment, and the next thing I was told is that they were making out in the car. Long story short, she went away with Caleb. They dated for three tumultuous months, along the way she lost money and valuable electronics to Caleb. She got pregnant and had to abort while at it. It got really dramatic and I remember they tried to arrest Caleb. When I ran into her later she pulled me to the side of the road and asked me, without batting her eye-lids, one arm akimbo,

“Yaani, you could not have told me what I was getting myself into!Silas!”
I had a Kidero moment, but thankfully I will never raise my hand to a woman. Never ever.

Back in college, I had this young lady, two years my junior I wanted to take out. She had one of those bodies that inspire erotic thoughts in any straight man. Her hips, arguably the best I ever set my eyes on. At the time I wanted her, there was another good man who wanted her. The man was serious but he was the geeky type. She told me that she wanted me more because I was more of a bad boy (the most inaccurate description of the millennium) than him. She told me, I was better of suited. I tried to persuade her that the other man was better placed than me and will treat her better than me by far. She heard nothing of it. Sadly enough, I dismissed her and the other guy had moved on. She lost really substance while she wanted to chase the shadow that I was. Women were never gifted with better judging male character.

Recently I ran into my ex in a club. She was looking hot as ever. She was with her present boyfriend who looked like a dressed retard. I have never had kind words for men who take over my exes. The guy looked like he had smelly feet and his potbelly was ghastly. The fact that he was balding confirmed to me that my ex was into her out for desperation or because of money. Or both.

When she saw me, she run into me and hugged me, close enough to choke and suffocate me. It was exaggerated. Anyway, having dispensed with social amenities, she pointed to the table they were seated and I waved. The man smiled back like a retard. I hated him. The ex then engaged me in some small talk and told me that the man was going away and she was remaining behind with her girls. The guy left and she rejoined her girls and exactly four minutes and seven seconds, after he left, she moved permanently to my table. She was all over me like cloud cover, like nothing really ever happened. I tried to inquire about her present man and she told me,

“He is just a good man.”

Whatever that meant. More to the point she wanted to have a sleep over at my place and said she will regret nothing about it. Believe you me, not that she is loose or is she a bitch. She was undergoing some phase and maybe she thought I will be of help to her. Not that I’m so biased as to brandish women together, but I have asked all my male friends and they have agreed that women are generally short-sighted.

It was Catherine Awuor, who wrote in the Nation’s Saturday Magazine long time ago that when you get into a relationship with a woman she thinks very fast into the future. After two months, she is already picturing that dream wedding. Three months, she already has tentative names for the baby boy or baby girl. Four months, she can see that dream house and family. All the time she is harboring these fanciful thoughts, the man probably pulled out, he is just enjoying the sex before he pulls out. Women!

All the same, I have seen women in otherwise stable and functional relationships dropping their man for the bad boy or because the man is not ambitious enough. We have been dumped before because we were broke and seemingly will never get out of the gutter. While they have the democratic right to drop the loser for someone better and a more prospective man, they learn sooner rather than later that they made such a terrible move. It is always something very shameful, when she wants back and you have moved on.

When you leave another man and the next man knows what you have done, he will stop thinking with his D and sooner or later, he will discover that you will leave him the same way you left the other man. Or you just like his money or his sex. And then he will treat you like shit.

This is for women who leave their short men simply because some tall, sexually promising taller man showed up. This is for women who drop their broke boyfriend, simply because a loaded man came along and can cater for her material cravings. You know one who can buy those smart-phones…This is for women who meet a new man who happens to be funny and looks intelligent and they drop their ‘slow’ boyfriend. This is for women who under the influence of alcohol agree to be chips funguad only, for them to be kicked out in Sunday Morning.

You always look ugly at the bus stage and your pissed off faces look horribly stupefying.

And here is to men who pay school fee to their girl-friends. My advice is simple; the only time you can pay school fee for a woman is when she has four kids with you. Not one, not two, not three. FOUR. I know of men who paid school fee for a prospective wife or the actual wife having been married for a short while, only to be left by the woman by the time she completes her degree.

In the words of my friend Tony Fischer; Always treat women as enemies to avoid being disappointed. A woman can never be loyal. Their loyalty shifts faster than Nicholas Anelka or Ibramovich’s switch teams.

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Shy, ashamed and afraid of love; is our generation damned?

How do you tell someone you love them and keep a straight face?

How do you tell someone that you love them without sounding silly, stupid and inane?

It is awkward. Embarrassing. And you look like a goat in high heels saying that. It used to be men, but even women are abandoning the idea of love at an alarming rate. How did we get here? All over sudden even women are cynical and pragmatic about it.

I remember for the first time in my life I uttered the words to some pretty young woman and she blushed, then frowned dismissively and she was like,

“Silas stop that. You sound stupid…”

Weeks later she gave a letter admitting me into her friend-zone. I refused and now we only text each other every 13 months. This experience, trivial as it may sound, is what taught me what a heartbreak is. You find someone, you want to love them so much, but they can’t love you back in equal measure.All along, I am constantly conscious that as a man you cannot say I LOVE YOU with a straight face. It is a sign of weakness. It is presumed that you must have an unquantifiable amount of stupidity to muster the courage to tell a woman that. You can express the love or even drool but never should you let the words come out of your mouth.

For men, I can understand. But how and when did women stop believing in the concept. As in these girls born after 1980 are a pragmatic lot. They consider it childish and naivete in their lowest form.

I reckon that at this rate, the word love might get the ‘archaic’ label in dictionaries. This generation is totally lost.

‘What is love?’ Asked Tina Turner, but a second hand emotion. I don’t know what that means but I thought I will sound wiser quoting Tina Turner. Those legs…

Anyway, love has become an ideology for the naïve and emotionally weak. No one wants a soul mate. People just want sex. And part of the reason that love has been eroded in our society is because girls are now being exposed to sex at an early age. By the time she is 22, she has slept around with many men enough to fill a Double M bus. I am not saying all women. But a significant chunk of the population. An average girl in university at the age of 23 is a walking sexual encyclopedia.

Their dating choices are not necessarily the better to groom them to know what love is. We have pedophiles around dangling the ever alluring electronic gifts, candies, pizzas etc and that gives them the wrong notion of what love is. So when some loser boy shows up empty-handed with nothing but love and poetry, they will laugh him off. But in their late 20s they will bed him, anywhere.

To me, love is something intuitive. Something metaphysical that everyone must experience at least once in their life time. Love is something spiritual. It is not about compatibility, but dealing with the differences until there is some congruence. It is not so much trading sacrifices as supporting each other to achieve individual goals.

Love is faithfulness. Having no absolute chance of cheating on your spouse emotionally and physically. It is total trust. You don’t have to be afraid that she is in some team building in the Coast, and getting cozy with a randy colleague. It was Achebe who said that now birds have learnt to fly without perching, men have learnt to shoot without missing and I dare add that women have learnt to cheat without even the slightest trace of guilt. How women became so guiltless escapes me.

Equally a woman ought not to be afraid that the man is up to some mischief. It is an impossibly difficult task, but therein lives love. Love is living with each other’s bad habits comfortably. Not tolerating each other. Not tolerating bad cooking or bad toilet habits just because the sex is great.

Love is not sex. When you are in love, the sex can be lousy, but you still there for each other. I don’t believe that either. It is sex to complement and compliment love, not the other way round. Those women who give too much sex or limit access for the man until he commits totally miss the point. Sex, while a good glue, is not a reliable one. Men grow of monotonous sex too easily. And women increasingly are beginning to suffer the same problem.

I know I sound like a crossbreed of a goat and sheep, fathered by a warthog. Our generation is totally doomed. We are embarrassed by love. We feel extremely shy to show emotion. To say that you are in love is to demonstrate a vulnerable gullibility that is often laughable. Anytime people see too love birds going about it the traditional way; you know flowers, chocolate, dates, late night phone calls; we disapprovingly shake our heads and we end up calling them desperate.

I know men are afraid of declaring their love given that we are pessimists by nature and very territorial. The very thought that she will ever leave you for another man, is sickening. And you don’t want to cry (we do cry) inside the blanket when you remember the things you used to tell her. Your brain always thinks the worst. You wonder, he used to call me baby, sweets, honey and now she is treating another man the same way. Giving head, moaning-the images are normally vivid, especially if you bump into her with her new catch who looks like he used to wet his bed back in the day. As men, we want to be cautious because what you say will come back to haunt you.

I once overheard an acquaintance declare that women cannot be loyal. That is why you can dump her and by the end of the day she is calling another man ‘sweets’ without any qualms. Women are capable of loving several men at the same time or at different times. But men only love once. And if she breaks his heart, that will be it. From then on he will be without any feelings. Most of the players and P-robbers you see around were once cheated on or betrayed by the women they loved with all their heart. And women can be heartless, just as men.

A German female friend tells me that there is nothing better than love. And when it comes along you will know it. She recently told me and I quote,

“U can’t plan starting a family, u will just meet the right girl one day, spend some amazing years only you and her and if its working u will feel the right time to finally settle down. But until then you should see the world, grab all the opportunities that come your way and live as much of your life as possible. You will still be with your family for the rest of your life, but such chances might only appear once. And who knows if Kenya is the right place? Maybe you’re supposed to find destiny in Bonn, France or wherever?! Think about it”. Touche.

That was rich. When I find one person who believes in love, my faith in humanity is reignited. We need more like such.

True love is possible. It was Brian McKnight and Vanessa Williams (before she began acting shitty roles in movies, she was actually a good singer) who gave the best definition of love in their great ballad ‘Love is’.

Love is-Vanessa Williams & Brian McKnight

They say it’s a river
That circles the earth
A beam of light shining
To the edge of the universe
It conquers all
It changes everything

They say it’s a blessing
They say it’s a gift
They say it’s a miracle
And I believe that it is
It conquers all
But it’s a mystery

Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
And it fades away so easily

In this world we’ve created
In this place that we live
From the blink of an eye, babe
The darkness sets in
Love lights the world
And lights the lovers for eternity

Love breaks the chains
Love aches for everyone of us
Love takes the tears and pain
And it turns it into the beauty that remains

Look at this place
It was paradise, but now it’s dying
I’ll pray for love
I’ll take my chances that it’s not too late

Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
And it fades away so easily, oh…

Love breaks the chains
Love aches for everyone of us
Love takes the tears and the pain
And it turns it into the beauty that remains

There you have it. If we had more love, this world will be a great place. The lack of love between people in relationship is trickling down to the point that we don’t even care for that beggar in the street.