We are not insecure, just a little jealousy. It is your duty and responsibility to ensure that we are comfortable, especially if you are beautiful and outgoing.
“My ex-boyfriend was sooooo insecure, I couldn’t even have male friends,” Brenda was telling me as she stirred her milk shake with such a sexy dexterity that only she could pull.
“If a man is insecure, it means he cares about you so much,” I said as the Masala tea I had just sipped hit my nerves hard, getting my eyes a little teary.
“No, sometimes it borders on plain stupidity. A man ought to be confident and trust his woman to make the right judgment”, Brenda told me, looking me straight in the eye.
Brenda is a Kalenjin hotie. When it comes to natural beauty, with flawless skin, you gotta give it up to Kale chicks. There is no overstating it. And Brenda easily fits this billing.
Her smile can explode a petrol tanker into flames, believe you me. So seductive. So charming. So infectious. It reminds me of Cece Winans. She is a bit short, may be comparatively to my tall, skinny self. And she has a good name. Brenda sounds like Bulgarian for honey. She has a full body, meaning I can walk with her around comfortably turning my peers green with envy… In deed those I bumped into were fawning over themselves to come up with the most original lines to best tell her she is pretty. Sample Plato:
PLATO: You are pretty. They have told you that?
BRENDA: Yeah, they have said as much…
PLATO 😦 Rather curtly) They lied. You are gorgeous.
BRENDA: Laughing, smilingly.
Not knowing the best facial reaction or outward reaction to put on. Every beautiful woman, doesn’t know the best way to respond to genuine compliments. And she is so self-unconscious of her beauty. If I had such looks, I would possess some attitude the size of China.
Brenda is a medical student, 20 years of age and in her first year. To her, campus is the best thing that has ever happened. She has everything going for her; beauty, brains, wonderful company, the freedom and all the mad fun that comes with it. She is feminine and womanly so. I like her candour, even when it hurts. Like when she tells me, there is no way she is going to date a boy in campus.
Never, ever. For a moment, I feel for the young boys in first years who might be having hots on her.
Of all things we discuss, one stands out: Insecurity amongst men. Her ex was so insecure that once he even hit her.
You don’t hit a woman. You don’t hit a beautiful woman. You don’t hit Brenda.
The boyfriend was overly protective and she never could have a life. It got worse when he actually hit her. I swear if I meet that monster, I can dispatch him to his maker in the most horrific, gory, painful, saddest way. Anyway, let us discuss insecurity in general amongst men.
Insecurity is one of those words that ladies like to harp about for no good reason. Eleven out of ten women I bump into must have had an encounter with a man who is irritatingly insecure. They hate it. They hate it when their man can’t simply trust them when they are on out their own. They hate it when their men insist in knowing every Tom, Dick and Harry; especially Dick in their phones. They hate it when their men can’t stand them hugging other men.
But why are men always insecure?
OK, this is our story.
We are always informed by our experiences. We know there are men out there whom trusting a woman close to them is as safe as trusting a terrorist close to an American Embassy. We know these men who make women go weak in the knee. Who, if given a second can seduce and squeeze a quickie faster than you can log out of a Facebook account. They exist. Some of us have been granted the opportunity from the least likely quarters: married women and very girlfriends loyal to their boyfriends. Suffice to say, we are not exactly the definition of handsome.
With time, I have come to learn that women can be loyal to one man but very unfaithful. We have women who always offer very flimsy reasons in order to get a lay out of us, yet they are in very stable relationships. They always blame the insecurity of their men and think the best comeuppance for their boyfriend is to sleep around, yet this is the exact fear of their boyfriend.
Men learn to trust their instincts over time. Not to say that every woman is loose. Far from it. I know as many faithful women as I know unfaithful ones. There moments that are forgivable. In this valueless society, where the heat of the moment can override everything, some sexual acts are too spontaneous to blame anyone. But then, it is better to be safe than to be sorry. Men anticipate problems and try to avoid them. Women hardly see a problem with harmless flirtations.
We are insecure, because we don’t trust the judgment of women. Women want the most of everything. A man who is funny, witty, intelligent, tall, dark, and rich. On a given Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, it is hard to come by a man with all these attributes. They exist but in different quantities in various men. Some are gifted with so much but have one fatal flaw that cancels everything. The reverse is also true.
And women have learnt the art of getting what they want from multiple sources. It is ingrained in our subconscious that your average urban chick can hardly be faithful. Hence we are in a permanent state of insecurity on what she could be up to, when not around. It is the same feeling that our elder sisters and mothers felt in the absence of their boyfriends and husbands. Only that the shoe is on the other foot.
We always bump into women who are otherwise in steady relationships in clubs dancing raunchily with other men, deeply inebriated and careless about everything. We sort of wonder where the boyfriend could be. Such are the incidents that often inform our insecurities.
Often we overplay it, but it is never far from what our instincts tell us. If your man is insecure, and you believe that there is nothing you are doing to warrant any fear, it is your duty and responsibility to ensure he feels as secure as possible. Avoid hugging every Tom, Dick, and Harry, especially Dick in the streets. Stop that flirty behaviour. Stop it. It is that easy. When disgruntled and his behaviour turns psycho, walk out, lest you get hit.
Never, ever date a man who is overly insecure. Considerable insecurity is enough to show that he is jealousy enough to show that he doesn’t wish to share you with other dogs out there in the world. Which is what love is all about.