Types of women in campus
It is scientifically proven that women are a confused bunch. I hate clichés like the one I have just used, but don’t women lead clichéd lives. Have you ever tried going shopping with a woman, especially along Moi Avenue?
It might sound harsh but so all facts and truths are. Have you ever tried to understand a woman? It is impossibly difficult. I have, believe you me. Women themselves don’t know what they want. Just pick a woman at random and ask her what she wants out of life and she will either act ignorant or proceed to enumerate 97 things when you stopped listening to her dreamy narration past the second thing…
Occasionally, when I’m down, I pick a woman (mostly a stranger) randomly in campus, chat her up, book her for coffee date and go listen to her talk about stuff. It is entertaining and therapeutic Crap heals. Women are interesting listening to. Listen to a woman bitch about her stuff and men and you wonder why Churchill is trying so hard to be funny anymore. Women want that man who can do stuff for them. Go the proverbial extra mile as my boy PO observed the other day.
A woman expects about 107 things from a man and in return she will repay by lying on her back, counting stars in your ceiling. Quite frankly, what can a woman offer you in return to the treats she expects from you as she rants and raves about herself other than sex and plenty nagging, especially the not-so-beautiful ones…
Come to think of it…have you ever stopped to consider things women say once you break up?
“I gave you my best…I gave you my all…and such…”
What she actually means is, I gave you p****. Period.
With that less than savoury intro, this week we classify women in campus and any harsh description is regretted upfront. It is my hope that the humuor (if at all there is) will not be lost on the acerbic tone of this article. This blog is about fun. Having said that, we move on but in no specific order…
The stupid bitch
She must be the one who sticks chewing gum under the seats. Really disgusting. She had more issues than a magazine stand along Tom Mboya Street. And any woman who does this is stupid. She is instantly dislikable by both men and women students. She is a loud mouth, more often than not presumes she is hot, gets her fashion sense wrong and thinks that playing tom boy makes things right. Doesn’t. Sometimes, she shows up outrageously dressed with silver lip gloss that reminds one of the devil. She is petty yet she mistakens it for pretty. You wonder how she made it to campus. She does not sound intelligent at all. She is loose yet she can be the most difficult to lay…
The stupid bitch thinks the world (in this case, the university) owes her a living. She is a diva, and a bad one at it. There is nothing intellectual that will ever come out of her mouth…. I hate even writing about her, so we move to the next category that I so much respect.
The motherly sisters
These women are reasonably older than most of their peers. Something, mostly a kid or two must have wasted a year or two before joining campus. They are motherly by both looks and demeanour. Most of the time, they somehow fat and that bust looks like is about to bust.
They are humble. May be out of maturity or the discovery that life was never designed to be fair and can never be fair. They are not into make up at all. They are at home with everyone and often go to church religiously (as in dutifully). The travails of motherhood taxes them a lot and I respect them for the their sheer patience amidst contempt from the younger girls who act like they are growing any younger…and the men who treat them more like mothers or blood sisters
They are less fuss, not into fashion and they even can shave their hair and no one will complain, for people look at them differently. I love this category. A mature woman often turns me on (not sexually you pervert)
The beautiful confused
She knows she is beautiful. She is so painfully conscious of the fact that she is a bore. It is very hard to hit on her because 1. She is saved and mostly goes to a church with a name accompanied by either hill or chapel. 2. She still dates her high school sweet heart or in some funny stable relationship. 3. A virgin waiting for the big bang. She is a bore even to her friends. She doesn’t drink alcohol because the last time she did, she didn’t like the experience because she woke up unsure of what happened.
She could be beautiful, but past her first semester in campus most men would have known that her only claim to fame is her pretty face. She has nothing intellectual or funny going on for her. She can’t give you her number. Sadly enough, they lose their virginity to the least deserving dogs (don’t ask me the criteria) and often the easiest to get knocked off. Later on, many men ignore her and forget about her altogether.
The beautiful spoilt
She is beautiful but has the personality of a wall. Often you will be tempted to tell her to apply make up in the inner. She is a true a diva. All the men admire her but have no guts of facing her. Often she is intelligent but so unapologetically bitchy that very few men in campus can dare hit on her much less even go ahead to date her.
Of course in her first year she was indiscreetly generous and a few men got a cake of her before she settled for that sixth year Engineering guy who dumps her after a roller coaster relationship. After this, she will hardly date in campus, although she will occasionally get laid by some smart chaps who help her do assignments since she is ever busy.
In her latter years she becomes a gold-digger and carries the word expensive written all over her face. She wears expensive clothes, pricey jewelry and a perfume that can suffocate a roach out of existence. One thing is for sure, they have a price and to them, anything with money, even if a baboon will lay them, otherwise I can’t get the reason some lady I so much admire and desire got laid by some aide of an assistant minister…
That chick slightly above average and not extremely beautiful
Anytime a man is asked his opinion about her beauty, he must twist his mouth and nod his head irregularly to show some disagreement or disapproval but it is generally agreed that they are beautiful or to use a silly adjective, ‘f**kable or doable… Although there is always something out of place, that small bum, very tiny or very big boobs…
These cliques normally overstate their beauty and often walk in a group where others are average Marys and Janes, just but to feel hotter than them. She is well equipped with artificial intelligence (From movies, inspirational books and of course aunt Google,) knows her way around town and generally smart. She normally has sufficient brains to back her up and she is not blonde at all.
Most men find her cool to be with although she normally has problems with men. Most of the time, she wants a good man to keep but good men are only interested in dating her briefly and shag her before dumping her. Often she is not worth keeping, since she is too dynamic and hard to trust her. She is too free with men. She speaks her mind only that her mind is not the most interesting thing you can listen to. They are good girlfriend material but you will have to share her attention with her many male ‘pals’ who are mysterious as they come. Some are church mates, some just friends, even when they look every bit, pussy robbers. Because of their looks, men, time and again fawn over themselves to treat them, they don’t how to say NO. Often, they have some religious commitment and occasionally show up to church…these churches for the upwardly moving types. They are friendly, though.
The beautiful and comfortable
They are exceptionally beautiful and adorable but the world does not revolve around her looks. Like some Maasai chick in our class who by consensus is the thing. Well, she is not strikingly hot that you can give her a movie role, she is quite short but it takes 7 seconds of meeting her before you hear the ground beneath shifting.
She is so mature and disarming. When she talks to you, you don’t want to date her. You know she is way past anyone’s league and quite interestingly many guys associate her with Mercs and big cars, yet she doesn’t look too materialistic.
I always wonder why every other chick is not like her. She is lovely. She is sexy. The epitome of beauty and behaviour. She doesn’t have issues with men. She is known to be strictly in a monogamous relationships.
In campus, groupies come in fours, I don’t know why. They are like adjectives…GOOD, BAD, UGLY and the other one who cannot be categorized. Often the ugliest in the is the group’s voice of reason and the most talkative. Her opinion determines the fate of many men. They are forever together to every social gathering and they are known to back bite each other so much.
Sometimes the most beautiful might be too absorbed by her own image that everything revolve around her or she leaves the group altogether. They normally have issues and they think collectively. In English, it is called the HERD MENTALITY.
Average Marys and Carols
If the first thing men compliment about you is a part of your body or your attire then you know you are not up to standards in the looks departments. Everything is average about them. From class to hostels to the men they date. They get sexed averagely. They dress modestly and they are just about campus. They will study hard, get a degree, get a job at some NGOS or a government ministry and it is done. They go to church and they are just a part of the crowd…Even this description ought to be average.
The small girls…
I’m running out of steam here…but let us do it some more.
These women are petite, tiny and short. Often quiet or very garullous. They hardly inspire sexual thoughts in men. They are young both in age and mind. What I have persistently observed is that these women long to be loved. They want romance. They want that ideal romance they constantly hear about. They are suckers for novels and soaps. And they are vulnerable.
The college suppliers
By the time they are done with campus, they have seen many joy sticks. Long, short, small, big, black, brown, thin, fat, some facing up, some facing down et al. Either they are sex addicts or they can’t live without a man. If a man is feeling sufficiently randy or accidentally swallowed Viagra, such a chick can come to his rescue. Often they are presumed risky lays…
The party animals and alcoholics
Call them for alcohol and their punctuality will astound you. They have partied virtually in every joint in town in town and have been fungwad a number of times. If you want to lay her…just buy her alcohol. They dance a lot and typically are the answers to the common stereotypes like those associated with USIU chicks. I have to stop here and spare those bloody villagers who converse in mother tongue…nothing sucks so much…
See yah next week for more fireworks…