The Raphael Tuju situation

It is easy to laugh at him, ridicule him, but wait until your woman cheats on you and you will know why it is not a funny experience.

For some time now, it has been in the news that Tuju’s wife cheats on him with an ex-cop, in their matrimonial bed. Interestingly, many people have been laughing at him, mercilessly tearing at his manhood, scandalously questioning his credibility in the bedroom. The wife has gotten off with mere snide and sexist remarks that brand her a winner in the situation and Tuju the villain.

To many, Tuju looks like a man who has everything going for him. He is tall, dark and handsome-reasonably (I am not allowed by my orientation to comment further on his looks). He is fabulously rich and owns a home that is the dream of more than 38 million Kenyans, of which very few will ever live it. He is an accomplished man; save for the disastrous presidential bid made worse by the calamitous attempt at using sheng to lure the youth. It rightfully backfired. Peter Kenneth’s snubbing him has been blamed on his domestic problems in some quarters.

Many would assume, nay hope, that with such, his wife wouldn’t cheat on him. Society has enough provable anecdotal evidence that the underdog gets laid with high class women as much as the alpha male. That is not the issue today.

If you have ever been cheated on by your wife or girlfriend, you are probably empathetic with the brother. If you are the understanding type, then you feel him, even if vicariously. But most people are busy deriding and denuding their relationship, with the media (whether mainstream, blogs or gutter) milking the situation for all its worth.

Men cheat on women. Women cheat on men. But for long it was sanctioned only for men and women were not allowed to taste a juice stick (pardon the pun) out here. Personally, I am for a monogamous relationship, whereby people don’t cheat on each other as long as they are in that particular relationship.

Of course there is a depressing gap between my wishful thinking and reality. I have seen women in stable relationships who are too willing to cheat around. How often has your girlfriend given out her number to a male stranger in a club? By giving her number to a stranger, it is an open invitation to her with a possible lay in the horizon. I have seen women in functional relationships cheat on their men for no apparent reason whatsoever.

First we must debunk a few myths here…

1. Women don’t cheat because the man cannot deliver in the bedroom. It is partially true that a woman can leave a man because the man can’t trace her G-spot, but lately even men who are tall, dark and handsome and hung like horse can be cheated by their girlfriends.

2. Money and wealth are no longer deterrents for women. You can be loaded like Mike Sounkow (think Nick Mutuma) but it won’t stop her from shagging some non-entity with a Samsung Galaxy.

With that in mind, here a few things I have established. The really reason women cheat is because they discovered the physical aspect of sex. That you can have a good shag anonymously, enjoy it tremendously and live without any trace of guilt whatsoever. It doesn’t matter if you are a married woman or in a stable relationship. Back then, they used to attach several strings to a sexual experience. By separating the two, they took the male rule book, read it, and revised it like they do when revising for a CPA examination and when the examination came, many passed with distinctions.

Hence all men (cheating and non-cheating) should brace themselves for a possibility of a wife or girlfriend who will cheat on them without any guilt. Their justification is simple: They are entitled to orgasms, as much as men. I know there are faithful women, but at the moment we are looking at a few and far between case. Women are experimenting also.

My friends are resigned to fate. Many have told me that you cannot tame your wife. There is a colleague at the work place she fancies. The colleague can see the ring on her finger but it makes sense to him as much as common sense means to Members of Parliament. Sad. I have seen a colleague bring a married woman flowers to the office. I asked myself; but for what reason other than to wreck her home?

What saddens me is that they can go back to their husbands, shower, get to bed-ready to serve it to the main man. What can be more treacherous! But that is the world we are living in. This is more complicated by a generation of men who have no qualms about shagging a married woman or a woman in relationship. To them it is a win-win situation: a shag with less nagging and other attendant responsibility. They get the best from the deal. The woman on the other hand has no emotional responsibility towards the man hence no guilt whatsoever.

Hence when I see men laughing at Tuju, I say if you live in a grass-thatched house avoid starting fires. There is 7/10 chance that your woman cheats on you. You will never know this of course. But it is a fact. As for me, I feel Tuju and I wish he can share with us his predicament. Not so much because he is the innocent wimp in this case, but to remind men that we are in an era of cheating women. He can also remind us that cheating is bad, both for the man and the woman.

Of course the love fades and we do get used to each other and the need to spice things up is ever rife, but I will still stick to a monogamous-non-cheating relationship. For better or for worse. If she cheats on me, that is between her and her God. I won’t call Tuju a wimp or stupid. I will empathize with him, and hope that he can live with the ridicule and come out stronger.

Nietzsche said what can’t kill you, only makes you stronger and I remind my friend Tuju to take heart. Shit happens…

6 thoughts on “The Raphael Tuju situation

  1. Baba, I like the way you brought out the socio-scientific aspect of the cheating aspect. Today’s woman is socially more adapted to the ways of philander than the man. Laughing at Tuju is like covering your face to avoid exposing your naked body while laughing at a naked person.

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