25 Reminders that Kenya is not all that…

There are things that keep me awake at night. While we claim that we are the best in East and Central Africa, we are not all that we crack ourselves to be. Here are 31 things that should make you think twice before you yap that we are the best.

  1. Matatu seats. As a tall man, there is hardly a matatu seat that I can fit into. Save for Double M which seem to be deteriorating at an alarming rate.

  Matatu seats are tiny, crumpled, dirty, torn and you cannot have white dress if a woman and hope to get to town without a     stain.  

     Citi Hoppa, Citi Shuttle and Kenya Bus have the worst seats when it comes to their big buses.

 

  1. Sonko is the senator of Nairobi. The Capital City. And can be a governor in 2017. Rachael Shebesh is the Women Representative. There is a saying that we only get the leaders we deserve. I don’t deserve either of them.
  2. Nairobi is dirty. Whether you live in an exclusive estates of Karen, Runda or Lavington or outside the CBD, the amount of litter and dirty should strip Nairobi its city status.
  3. Raila still pulls mammoth crowds, in spite taking us through this for three terms. He probably has my vote, but he needs to change tact. Storms and Tsunami, we are pretty much accustomed to them.
  4. Policy issues are normally debated in funerals and after church services. Roadside declarations that were the norm in the 1980s and 1990s are still an effective way of delivering campaign promises.
  5. Individuals have no qualms playing around with pensioners’ monies. A while ago, even some monies made for a cemetery that was  to decongest Lang’ata disappeared. Whatever happened?
  6. Vera Sidika’s delusions of grandeur are a week long preoccupation in the media and our private lives.
  7. FM radio is a disaster. It is like their sole purpose is to market products, play music and be silly. Nation FM are yet to convince me with their Intelligent Radio stuff. To me, politics and sex are the same thing. Plus, Angela Angwenyi has been around the block for quite some time.
  8. Musicians make money from selling call back tunes and ringtones. Never from selling their music and albums.
  9. We cannot afford Trevor Noah or Radio and Weasel into the country.
  10. Otieno Kajwang.
  11. Duale and Khalalwe.
  12. Few contemporary artists have ever dished out an album. Or live off their music.
  13. Traffic jams. In the evening, it is easier to get to Nakuru (150 KM away) than to Rongai (24KM away.) The worse, if it rains the fares can be the same. What a shame.
  14. Uhuru can still end up with Kalonzo and Ruto with Raila in 2017 and we will vote as ethnically convenient as it is possible. Even when a proven Alfred Mutua or Peter Kenneth is available.
  15. Male politicians think polygamy is cool and can discuss the bill as if we don’t have enough problems with disease and poverty.
  16. People actually insist that the watermelon is a good fruit, yet it tastes like sweetened toddlers pee.
  17. MCAs.
  18. We believe shopping in a mall is a sign of prestige.
  19. People die from illicit brews.
  20. Individuals, especially women think dancing to riddims and misogynist ragga music is cool. And yeah, our dancing can do with some little bit of school.
  21. Gor fans.
  22. Ingwe fans.
  23. We still lynch witches in Kisii.
  24. Most adults only read Kenyan newspapers. Not books that can enrich their lives.
  25. The word investigation from the government means that is the last you are hearing or seeing of that thing that is being investigated.

You can add yours. The things that make remind you that we are still a third world country.

 

 

 

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