Fatal Crush

By the time a man turns 30, he must have encountered a woman who taught him that love is sh*t. It is a woman he so much loved, would do anything for her, or did, but she simply never appreciated him enough. If women kiss frogs to get to their Prince, men kiss dragons to meet their Princess.

Such a woman takes the man for a fool. Everyone around the man and the woman knows this well, but the man is too infatuated to know that this woman is taking him for a big ride. What often escapes me is why the chick bothers giving the man audience, spend his money, yet she knows that she has nothing for the man. From what I have gathered, you can date such a woman for a whole year and you will be lucky to get laid with her. And I’m sure, there is a man who can get it with her in a matter of seconds.

This happens especially if the man is quiet and laid back (read naïve). And the woman or the girl is a sanguine and proactive. Their personalities are incompatible. But the man is so blinded by the crush. The man is often naïve that he will eventually marry her, they settle down, have babies and live happily ever after. It happens mostly in colleges. I have learnt rather late that it is women who express love, not men. Every time I have professed love, I have been rebuffed sarcastically.

It reminds me of the rumour that Avant and Nicole Scherzinger were dating. Nicole Scherzinger is your typical bitch. While her feline beauty is what every hetero man would like to devour, she looks dangerous. It takes a man with balls to take her on. Not Avant. Lewis Hamilton may be. Some women are too strong psychologically for men who are weak emotionally. Avant looks like a peasant who is talented. He sings R &B after all. He looks the type the wife can leave the toddler with as she catches her Remy Martini with her girls.

In our midst, there are many Avants after a Nicole Scherzingers. Women who are wittier, smarter, prettier than they can handle. The man might be bright academically, but socially awkward. They aim to touch the sky by going after a woman who will break their heart and leave a permanently sour taste in their heart.

We have seen it, or it has happened to us. You meet a lady, she is bright, fine and fun to be with but you are not exactly her type. She finds you too slow and all she wants is action. May be she is undergoing a phase, and she wants you around until she overcomes it. Pardon me to state the obvious: women can be heartless when it comes to dismissing a man they don’t fancy. More so if she is beautiful, and too fly, she will never walk alone in this world.

Such a relationship revolves around the man giving his all and the woman giving virtually nothing. The man is there for the lady but lady is not psychologically settled in the relationship. He treats the man as either an ATM machine, emotional security or just to show him around her peers. She even plays the man, but the man is so blind to anything. He is in love. Sometimes it is because the man is too old for the girl who is young and full of youthful idealism.

She will exploit the man in every possible way, but rarely will she ever sleep with him. If she does, it is a lackluster event where the man is so thankful that he was let to touch and the lady wondering when will she ever dispose the man. She holds the man back, because he is NICE.

NICE, I have learnt is the worst avenue to a heartbreak for men. If you want to be heartbroken, be nice to a woman. Most women are self-centred and nothing like a nice man to be a mirror to her ‘peacockery’. The man is basically friendzoned but occasionally can be let to touch the goods. The man wastes so much time, only to be left by the woman.

I think, we should always assess everything realistically from the word go to ensure that the woman is as much in love as you are. The current generation of women (those born after 1987) do not necessarily believe in love. They believe in fun and good time. They believe more in social media, instant no-strings attached sex. Incidentally, many men of their generation somehow believe in love.

The saddest, if ugliest sight, is the one of a man being taken for granted. Not that I approve of men who don’t appreciate women or men who treat women badly. I have sisters, cousins and aunts whom I often wish they never take a thug for a boyfriend. But when a woman is taking a man for a ride, it is a grotesque sight.

They can make a man to stay in a club till late at night even when he is a teetotaler and can’t dance. The man just wants her to have the fun. They can make a man carry flowers from City Market to Moi Avenue looking like a sheep dressed like a goat. They can make man withstand just about everything. Accompany her even to dark dungeons for her to shop for her weave.

But it is such an experience that will remind the man it is not a fair a world. It is such an experience that will remind the man that women are wild and taming them is not easy. We must envy how our fathers dealt with women, the beating and whipping part excepted, of course.

There are signs you can always look for. For instance if you do all the work to make relationship work, like initiating the calls, paying all the bills, beg her to come over, must accompany her to shopping sprees, makes you eat pizza or yogurt while walking around the road, must load her airtime, she prefers her social media audience than you, has never expressed any sexual desire in you and such, time to take a break. Leave her before she breaks your heart.

But in the event you lose her, don’t lose your calm. It happens. Move on, find someone you can love. This singular incident, however life changing, must not make you decide that all women are evil. Many are, but not all of them.

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