Don’t bother with a chick’s past

Men are always curious about a woman’s past. Especially after a mind-blowing blow job. We know practice that practice makes perfect. And if she does it so good and dexterously, a man is too concerned about her past to think of the present excitement. It is a contradiction of sorts.

Picture a woman. In her mid-20s. You have just met her. In the first shag, she proves quite a good a game. She knows her moves in bed and she suggested some moves that made blood boil in you. She is adventurous. You enjoy it.

By deductive reasoning, probably she did not learn these things playing with bananas and carrots in her bedroom. Certainly, she did not learn the moves watching a B-rate porn movie. If a woman is sufficiently experienced in bed, we can assume that she has been with at least 8 men in her life or she has dated the same man for over 8 years. I am speaking generally. So if you are enjoying, know that it is something born out of practice, watching ceiling boards in many lodgings and bachelors’ pads.

Potentially experienced women, tend to confound and confuse men. On one hand the man enjoys it that you can serve it how his sex gods prescribed it. On the other, he is doubly worried that the woman might have slept with so many men and we are all jealousy as hell. A woman’s past is as mysterious as they come. If she decides to open up to you, you will end up getting offended.

To this end, any time a man probes her past, she is likely to look up at the Sisters Bible, old testament and insist that she has dated at most 5 men, of which only three IT consummated. Remember as my buddy Teddy often tells me, women have softer words to describe sex.

‘We went out.’=we fucked.
‘We dated a while=we fucked.
‘It never worked’=we fucked. So on, so forth.

Women subconsciously know the kind of psychological damage they can cause a man if they told the whole story. They know how a man feels when he learns that she has sucked more than she has eaten bananas in the recent past. They know how a man feels if he learns that she has been giving it ever since her 16th birthday, discounting the 14th and the 15th.

Men can be mean. They want it both ways. They want to bake the cake, have it and eat it as well. It doesn’t happen that way. If you meet a woman, just know that she has past; colourful to her, annoying to him. The same things you have subjected women to, she has been subjected to. If you demand that she must give head, and she gives, certainly you can’t be the only one. Next time, see how they leak a lollipop or eat a banana if you want to know what I am talking about.

If you like it adventurous, know that a man does not become a hunter hunting birds in his own backyard. Wait! that sounds like a proverb I have coined right here. He must venture out with dogs, brave the deadly and poisonous snakes, the occasionally malicious wild animal and the terrain before he can bring the gazelle home.

Similarly, before women become specialists and experienced, they must pass through fire. If you were in a high school that had communal bathrooms or worst still, bathed in at a river, you probably saw what men possess down there. You saw those ones that if they were cut and left down will be like dangerous snakes. You saw those that were crooked. You saw those ones that seemed lifeless. You saw those ones with veins. You saw those ones the size of a thumb. You saw those one that were scrawny, thin and wirily.

Yeah, all those she has probably hosted them in her house. You need to get used to this fact. Life is not fair. Deal with it.

A friend who works in Uganda came recently to check on his girlfriend at the University of Nairobi. When they were in the act, going deeper and harder, demons struck him and he decided to ask her if she has ever given it to anyone. Any woman you have slept with for quite some time you can easily tell the changes, when it comes to elasticity and lubrication. That is what he was told me, just in case you think I am a perverted stupid person. He persuaded her until she decided to tell him the truth.

“Yeah, I have slept with my pal twice.”

“Who is he?” He inquired.

“He is Luyhia. A classmate.”

Little Joe Wood died on spot, recoiled to the size of an an ant’s poop.

By the way, I hate the word pal and dude, when a woman uses them. Those are just a softer way of saying fuckmates.

And they broke up. After having an impractical two year long-distance relationship. Men are stupid. Not that he has not been sleeping around in Uganda. I know for a fact it is difficult to reconcile the the fact that what you are banging was being banged a few days prior to your day.

Of course it is rigidly stupid but men can’t help it. I have come to the conclusion that wanting to know a woman’s past is the equivalent of following a bee to see where it gets its ingredients to make the honey that ends up in some cabinet in your kitchen. The same honey that you also call her. Get real. Don’t bother with her past.

If she can give you, remember there are a thousand other men who are well suited, tall, loaded(both in the wallet and the boxers)time for that prudish assumption that she does not dish it out is so 1997, July.


8 thoughts on “Don’t bother with a chick’s past

  1. “If you like it adventurous, know
    that a man does not become a
    hunter hunting birds in his own
    backyard.” LOL, it doesn’t get more truthful than this!! Well said baba!

  2. If she can give you, remember there are a thousand other men who are well suited, tall, loaded(both in the wallet and the boxers)personally i go for what,s in the boxers the rest will follow and you better do me good otherwise!!

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