Have boobs and hugs lost meaning?

What is California is today, the world is tomorrow.-Old adage.



One of the commonest sexual fantasies among my peers or any straight men is to lay a Muslim chick. It is something strongly attached to the mystery that is brought about by their full-covered bodies. Often, we see some really tempting curves beneath their buibuis that you really want to undress, but we know the repercussions. In fact, anytime one of us succeeds, it is considered a great deal and it comes with a lot of bragging rights.

All respect to the Muslim faith for keeping it real as much as possible, not when they degrade women though. But in inculcating good morals in their women, I give it to them. Christian women or secular as they prefer to be called have lost it completely. To the few who can hold it up anymore, you will stay in my prayers tonight.

What is happening in Nairobi? Nairobi is beginning to look like a Brazilian beach or downtown Jamaica on a Saturday afternoon. So much cleavage in display. So many tittays out there, it is no longer sexy. It is becoming an ‘on-your-face-affair’. The average preferred top is a sleeveless, bare-‘chested’ (pardon the pun) which leaves the armpits and the titties out. It could be the heat, lemme not speak too soon.

Who is this putting pressure on women to reveal the cleavage overtly or subtly? Is it Twitter’s #TittyTuesday? Is it Facebook with the hundreds idle men, ever so ready to like and drop a racy comment? Is it instagram? I mean, women are always under pressure to conform and victims of fashion, quite often disastrously.

I have seen so many boobs, it is no longer interesting. Whatever happened to bras? I mean, today, they don’t need them at all, at all. There were days, you only saw the cleavage, imperceptibly . Nowadays the entire breasts are out there and you can see them without even trying too hard. In the matatu, in the lift, at the bus stage, in the office, in interviews, in hospitals, in your mama mboga kiosk, name it. And there those who are putting them out there unconsciously.

I would be more than childish if I discussed about the shapes; whether big or small, the positioning; whether asleep or awake, level of alertness; whether responsive to touch or not. All I can say is that I have encountered a number ever since I came to Kenya, but few merit the adjective super. Even fewer are naturally erect and responsive but I will skip this part.

Boobs were not essentially part of the sexual capital for a woman until Hollywood opened the floodgates of perversion to the levels of sexual experimentation that Nyanchwani wrote about here a while ago. Then old men started suckling and boobs proved quite a turn on and a fantasy for many an adolescent. The first good titties I touched and suckled were probably the last. I still remember that day vividly. Boy, that was something. For details, email me.

Our grandfathers never knew the erotic potential off boobs and in my anthropological classes, my lecturer once enthused in some communities in Kenya, like the Turkana or the Pokot, the Nuer in South Sudan, women still don’t cover their breasts and you don’t have their men drooling. Simply because, the men don’t know that breasts have a secondary purpose beyond breastfeeding. Nyanchwani just showed me some photos from his excursions in rural South Sudan of women virtually naked waist-upwards. In such a context, men are just fine.

In Nairobi, it is something else. Women know that exposing boobs add to their biological capital. As in hips, a well curved ass and a recklessly exposed cleavage will get men looking. The absurdity of it all is that they don’t know that they are essentially, desexualizing men. They think that they are turning us on, or they are looking sexy, but an averagely educated man thinks beyond his dick and knows which side of his bread is battered when it comes to a woman who can be taken in for a long term relationship. A woman who dresses tartly even when in a relationship is not read to settle and is out their displaying his goods for all and sundry. Akin to having a billboard out there long after its purpose has been accomplished.

Forget that bullshit that they dress to please themselves. And they only need their approval. F**k that. That statement is no truer than when a politician says that he has your best interests in his or her heart.

Fashion has always been a cyclic affair, but it seems, evolutionary we are on the reverse gear. Women are taking the lead, no contest. I suppose if someone came up with a nude show in Nairobi, so many women will show up, it will be overwhelming. Why women have chosen the easier route baffles me. If they are in it for casual sex, then they are doing it rightly.

When a man sees a woman dressed provocatively, he thinks of sex and nothing beyond. But when a woman who is neatly dressed, he will hold a higher and suitable opinion of her. Quite unlikely he will make an inappropriate remark. Quite unlikely he will think of buying alcoholic drinks with a ‘Barcelona-winning-a-match’ guarantee that he will sleep with you.

But maybe, it is the damn tattoo that she wants it to be seen. A friend, Alex discovered a word for those people with nose rings, tattoos and funny hairstyles (dreadlocks excluded). It is VANITY.



Onto another thing that really vexes me.HUGS. Women are lately shoving their boobs on us, rather too close it can suffocate one. No man wants her woman hugging every Tom, Harry and Dick, especially the latter. I mean, a cheek to cheek hug without much contact is not bad, because civilization demands it. The real hug that should be reserved for family members and your boyfriend. Women have become so liberal with them, it is no longer exciting.

We used to earn hugs. Not given. I suppose it should remain that way.

It bespeaks a lack of personal respect if you push your boobs too close and your boyfriend might keep quiet about it, but it is because you are an opinionated bitch who thinks that he is insecure. A good hug is one of those privileges you accord the people you love. Stop being loose and liberal with the goodies. If you must give, do so cautiously. Stop those perverts at bay.

These things are so common place; men are being gradually desensitized that in due course they might not have sexual desire. There is a curious link between this overexposure of thighs and boobs and the upsurge of lesbians in Nairobi. Probably even the sale of vibrators could be on the upsurge…

FOLLOW TEDDY ON @RetrosexualKe

or EMAIL: teddyfischer2000@gmail.com


6 thoughts on “Have boobs and hugs lost meaning?

  1. What do i say, i am enjoying the weather and all that comes with it, let the boobs rain, let the titties rain, am personally not complaining.
    But dude, i totally agree with you when you say….’When a man sees a woman dressed provocatively, he thinks of sex and nothing beyond’.

  2. The boobies “as far as the eye can see” syndrome is getting out of hand! Men need some mystery but it seems the women exposing all for sundry to see disagree….hmmm

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