If only women behaved like the DVD player!!!


David Gitau would be a happy man, if women were to be like electronics and came accompanied by a manual for the clueless man. Do you agree?

By David Gitau

Why electronics might be the map to understanding your man
Perhaps the greatest misfortune to befall men is the fact that women don’t come with a manual, just like other electronic gadgets that we fancy. Even when my house had the least of items, well I mean valuable items that I could attach wealth to; she was there by my side. In all honesty, let me confess that we moved in together from my mother’s house to the very first house I rented. From here I derived all my excitement, fun and all the joy you can comprehend.

I could turn to her during those boring weekends, lonely nights and during those moments when I felt down. Before you get mushy, I am talking about my DVD player. It’s now broken beyond repair and perhaps the owner is too. Show me a man who doesn’t enjoy the company of any item that comes with the following buttons; play, pause, stop, forward and rewind and I will recommend a mind checkup pronto.

Electronics are to men what fashion (read clothes) is to women. I am not in any way equating women to electronics.. My paralleling is not farfetched as many would start to argue. A while ago, Apple shelved plans to launch iphone-4s in China after the first attempt saw frustrated customers who had lined up in their hundreds start pelting the store with eggs after a near stampede. The majority of these customers were guys-I checked.

What am I driving at? Take technology to a higher level and you have simply escalated the madness of would be buyers. For the longest time ever, men have been fascinated by electronics. A man takes you to his house and the moment the door bangs behind you the sound system is up as he busily shuffles the channels on the TV. All this before the lady can undo her high heel shoe straps. I am a man and I can tell you that electronics don’t disappoint.

They are never moody or sarcastic, they don’t complain a lot, they are not busy when you need them and yes, there’s nothing like meeting their parents. I am busy shopping for a home theatre while my sitting room has only a carpet and the ghost of a space. You must be thinking, ‘his priorities are inverted’ but far from it my needs are well catered for.

To the crux of the matter now, a man’s fascination with his gadgets can be explained in simple terms. Hold on while I load my sociology…there we go, unlike women, men are not that structured and complicated upstairs. Like many electronics, our command system is simple and easy to read. We have fewer buttons and wires unlike the women in our lives. In fact, if indeed we are wired between our ears, there are only three kinds of wires-red for macho and anger, blue for things we admire and value and the duo colour of green and yellow on the final wire is for our simple complications and other factors sociologists like me are still trying to figure out.

I am holding the model of a woman’s brain with me and from the labyrinth of wires I am still trying to figure out which one actually determines her sexuality…oh! There you go! A woman is made to be delicate, dynamic, choosy, and very specific and that’s why her complication has made her a man magnet. A man and a woman have been paired since Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden but to date Adam is yet to figure out Eve. So much for coming out of a man’s rib. Out of it God made a very beautiful companion meant to help the man but beyond this loving and generous gesture I put to the Man upstairs that an accompanying manual would have come in handy.

For any man, his electronic responds faithfully and direct as instructed. Automatic is the key word here, a man hates having to keep giving instructions and repeating himself. For the women who care, a man hates any woman especially one that keeps challenging his authority. It is more of an ego thing and men are a cornucopia of egos. Why it is then that men and women keep conflicting? It is argued that women are equipped with foresight and many times they will second guess a man’s instructions.

Women are suspicious of the next man and they tread carefully unlike the adventurous man who jumps and then asks the W questions in mid-air. Unlike his electronic that is so loyal and spontaneous, his woman comes with an intricate web of feelings and extra care that a man is not accustomed to. Many a man will lack that sense of detail and accuracy and paying attention is the least of our talents. Now you can understand why my gadgets are so dear to me and to many of my kind out there, they define a man’s life in more ways than one

How I wish women were programmed in advance and I would press play when things need to be spontaneous with my girl (especially in the bedroom), pause when we are having the best of times, mute when she is yelling and calling me unfathomable names in the presence of my friends, forward when she visits my watering hole unannounced and yes, rewind when I need to remind her of all the good things I have done for us. If only the above scenario was possible, marriages would last forever, Valentine would be hustle free and divorce lawyers will turn to criminal law. Yap, I heard what you said; I can’t have my own cake and eat it, damn! For that reason I am going out to buy myself a big, black, thunderous and mean looking Sony home theater system for my ghost of a living room.


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