Never, ever be a Nice Guy to women

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never
become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bi*ching about what a**holes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores.

This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate  moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male
population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give
them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but  somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when
you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two
sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she
shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing
spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically
linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world.

And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more
disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should.

And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have
observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other
schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls
are just illogical, manipulative bitches. (AMEN TO THAT!!!!!)

Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.”

Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in
the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom.

I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You
know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as
ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience
in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting
services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy,
insane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the
faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved
vindication is coming.

“What Happened to All the Nice Guys?”

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I
thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t
figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy
pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you
when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but  didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were f*cking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little
puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay
attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crushon you.

Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you
vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your
position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t
your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too
poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the
things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time
pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the
boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was,
admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the
boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the  things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a
good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having
tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and
douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without
reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life.

He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted
to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a
Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five
months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to
realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the
boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some
money, and generally acted like more of an a**hole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection
of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of
“nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted
them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives,
if that.

So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab hold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy,
but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your
infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice
guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there
looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact
that you’ve fu*ked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to
excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and
he certainly doesn’t f*cking want you, now.


A Recovering Nice Guy


PS: I picked this blog from reddit. Efforts to trace the real author have been in vain. But I will restate, that it is not my original work.


83 thoughts on “Never, ever be a Nice Guy to women

  1. Gals want a HARD man, dont say yes, dont be too available, Ignore her lots, Be upfront on what you want, how you want, where you want!!
    SMS a gal at 10pm . . . Gnyt is soo ….am a wimp please just sms something then i will sleep .

    totally agree with the Blog

  2. Baba, this one you are on fire, those women I’m sure must be regretting. Someone finally stood up for we, the ‘nice guys’. Nice one, for the nice guys!!

  3. I was the nice guy once.Now i, even hate and at the same time pity, those guys who are like that.because it really takes time to stop it.

    1. Thanks MMK,I never meant to take the credit but more to communicate to the brothers. I did acknowledge the theft though my Facebook,where I initially post the article.I will duly apologize in my subsequent blog…but let us all stand for brothers out here.

      Blog Controller

  4. Reminds me of what I’ve always wondered about men; they marry a virgin (maybe) then cheat on her with a “whore”…could it be that the same thing that attracts women to assholes is the same thing that attracts men to “whores”??? No?

  5. U hav no idea how true ua sentimen
    ts r..but rantin wont do u any gd..u can be a nyc guy but be assertive..tell the woman u r interestd in the truth and maybe u might be lucky..take the risk if u think she is worth it 🙂

  6. This could not be told any better…… for us nice guyz who had to become what we are coz of her…. the b***h! made me hate all ladiez n’ now ima serve revenge in a cold platter

  7. this is awesome. crude reality. damn I was once a nice dude. providing niceties to this b**ch yet she had that hard nigga. but now she s alone
    grown desperately looking for a nice hubby…with a burden of a kid left to her. f**k I’ll Neva be nice.

  8. dude, me reads all your blogs. I mean they are so cool. Though I don’t usually leave a comment aish! Jo kuna vile this one could not go unoticed. GFF! That was cool stuff and straight to the point! Mara that that. Hope a nice guy comes my way soon (na si hint.)

  9. Hii blog ina Virus!!! Kila tyme nikilog into the page battery inadedi saiyo saiyo!!!
    Nyanchwani Nyanchwani!!! U bOY u bOY!!! Am tired of ur cantankerousness!!!

  10. Nice post..Classic “Nice Guy” behavior, not enough spine to tell her the truth. Not enough spine to move on or get over her. Nothing wrong being nice, just grow a spine!

  11. A recovering nice guy? what are you recovering from? 🙂 Personally I think the only way to get a chick is by being nice to her. Men who act all bitter and resentful to women because a few women rejected them in the past is kinda immature. Such men don’t appeal to me…in fact I totally ignore them, forget about putting them in the friend’s zone. But I feel @times women reject these so called ‘nice guys’ because he is simply not your type. Maybe he acts immature and irresponsible while all the chick needs in a strong, mature man who seems to know what he is doing.
    I am dating a ‘nice guy’ @the moment(and expecting his baby too!) And he treats me like a princess…more the reason why I fell for him. In short; guys should always be nice to women if they really want to keep them for the long haul.

    1. True, this ‘no one wants nice guys routine’ is silly tall tale. No sane girl wants someone that treats her badly and if she does.. What do you want with her?

  12. fantastic truth bt at tymez da mistake also belongs to the guys especially if they don’t confess their feelings to the kudos since therez much truth in it

  13. And now the nice guys have a blogpost appreciating them as a fitting consolatory prize to put up on their trophy shelves to look at and lift their spirits every time they lose a good friend to some douche.

  14. For every “nice guy” that gets hurt by the “pretty girl” he adores, there’s a nerdy, awkward girl being ignored, overlooked, and hurt by the “nice guy” who can’t get over the “pretty girl.”

  15. In high school I made the mistake of choosing the asshole over an amazing nice guy friend. My friendship with him was never the same afterwards. When I went to college I swore I would never make the same mistake if another nice guy found his way into my life and cared for me. I am happy to say that I did find that nice guy and have been with him for over 5 years. We have plans to get married. The nice guy from high school remained a nice guy and also found the love of his life in college and married her. The asshole? He has had many relationships but keeps screwing them up. Go figure. I just wanted to let some of the nice guys out there know that some of us females do learn our lesson! Please don’t turn into an ass – there are too many as it is.

  16. Its a cycle.

    But really guys, if you are going to go through all that with a girl you like you can atleast ‘tangaza msimamo’ early enough.Truth be told we aint psychic too.
    Mùdú nì kwìaria 😀

    Nice read.

  17. Too many rejections and lesson learned…………..latest fact “was told am too young for her and yet an 4 years older than her” nway I would rather be single than bother with them…………….Just be pals dudes she will come along by herself. Tried and tested……….

  18. Everyone loves what you guys are up too. This type of clever work and exposure!
    Keep up the good works guys I’ve included you guys to my blogroll.

  19. this is a talk to many a ME’s out here,it got me melancholic knowing that you too know the torment nice guys go through.damn! good job

  20. I used to feel like the nice guy victim, until I realized I was actually the offender..any mature woman out there wants a Man, not a boy. Nice guys are mostly selfish boys rubbing backs so as to have theirs rubbed back ASAP. Am a Man now, its not about being nice anymore once you grow up..its about being real and loving.

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