Uncensored tales from Germany (Part 2)

Of Oliver Kurter, German Beer and the best city in Europe
“The Dutch have no respect for beer. Absolutely.” Said Oliver, our reliable tour guide in German.
“Next time, you see a Dutchman; slap him for their utter disrespect for beer.”
I laugh. And I laugh harder. The spontaneity of the statement kills me off. I have always hated Heineken and I really wanted someone from Europe to prove to me that Heineken is crap.

See, I once had an affair with Heineken. I had decided to cheat on Tusker and Guinness and the results were disastrous. One, it costs a dime in Nairobi. Two, it tastes crappy, yet my pal Paul told me that I am too village to have the software to decode its advertised crispness. Three, some girl, I was impressing upon observed that I had switched three beer brands in three weekends and accused me that I am just trying stuff. Ever since I settled for Tusker until I tried the German beer.

See, Germany makes the greatest beer in the universe. You don’t have to tour the world to confirm it. You just have to taste and take Oliver Kurta’s word for it. They pay the same precision they take when making electronic gadgets and cars when they are making beer. It is brewed to standards and Germans cannot settle for less. Yes, it is an experience and as a certified connoisseur, believe you me. It takes Oliver to ensure that I am only served with the best beer, which, if I ever set foot in Germany again, I would like to drink myself silly and nurse a German hangover. And possibly come up with Hangover III.

Oliver is the funniest man you can meet anywhere in the world. His one liners are off the hook. When in Berlin, for instance, I see a Hummer which I believe is the best make of a car and I point out that our prime minister rides one such, he quips,

“I am forced to think that whoever who rides a hummer should be forced to take an intelligence test.”

I take a look at our PM and Maina Kageni, the most famous hummer drivers in Nairobi and I pat him on the shoulder. Oliver believes that I am opinionated, because I believe anyone with a Yahoo account should not be taken too serious. He really hates Hamburg, because it is expensive. He is from West German but ideologically he is from the East, a socialist, so to say. And he thinks that Berlin is the greatest city in the world.

Oliver is 43, but he has the athletic body of someone in his 20s. When I will be 43, I would wish to be like Oliver. I want to be funny and full of life. I would like to be as pragmatic as him. Respect women and treat them well. You gotta admire his tolerance. He is cool. He has an unrehearsed patience, open-minded and hates wimps. Everyone does. He is honest, certainly intelligent and speaks his mind every so often. He handles all of us as professionally as possible and he is a really inspiration. He is a retrosexual man, a breed of men disappearing from amongst us, very fast. That is Oliver for you, more of him in the subsequent posts.

Berlin wall, The Ballet and the museums
Of course, anywhere in Africa, Berlin is famous for the wall that was brought down in 1989 reuniting the East and Western German. Well, I have been there and seen it. Only 100M are remaining, though, for historical purposes and it is a lackluster stretch that our tour guide says it was invincible and really a terrifying fortification prior 1989.

Later on that Saturday, we attend a ballet at a national theatre and boy! It is like nothing I have ever seen. I am dumbfounded by the stage and organs being played. The ballet is on some medieval Turkish prince or king who has problems with his wife and the harem as he struggles with pelvic pursuits before finally having a vision and settling for his wife, I couldn’t easily decipher it, but it was sheer class and one of the spectacular things my eyes have ever seen.

I saw an African one when I was treated to a dinner at Safari Park, Thika Road, but it paled in comparison. We went to Jewish Museum and Pergamon and you just have to give it to the whites and the amount attention being pay to artifacts is simply amazing. The architecture of the Jewish Museum will definitely be eye candor for all my architectural friends such as Nelson and Mogikoyo. The history recorded there is impeccable. Pergamon Museum is another one of those must visit places before you die.

At Dresden and the Mayan script that predicted the end of the world in 2012
We moved to Dresden, North East Germany, which is a very emotional city, given that it was bombed during the second world war and almost all the buildings their have been built after the WW2. We are touring the city and University of Dresden.

Dresden University is a technological university, a JKUAT of sorts, of  course with very beautiful and somewhat shy women. It is big by any standards, but the people at Dresden are a reserved lot. We hardly interacted with any students there. But their library is in its own league. So intricate, so devastatingly sophisticated that ought to like it. You can order a book and it is deliverered mechanically through some automated system

But it is their museum that touches me. Do you know the Mayan script that proclaimed the world will end in 2012? Yeah, it is stored there. It is the original script. I count myself as lucky. Remember the movie 2012; no movie has ever horrendously scared the shit out of me like it did. Those graphics, though later they criticized, were done so superbly and boy, I nearly converted. That ominous script is stored in that university.

I am able to see the original senior Martin Luther King handwritten commentary on the book of Psalms and it is a rare feat by any standards. Long live historians and art collectors.

The tour around the city is breathtaking. The architecture, which is a recreation and a restoration of how the city looked like before the bombing is emotional and moving It looks like the place where they do those Spartacus and Athenian movies. Being there, looks like traveling back in time. I for a moment thought that I was in 1353, especially when I attended an evening church service. The church’s structural design is astounding. Words can’t describe it. One just has to appreciate, the sheer creativity, thought, energy and resources often put into such initiatives to make cities such as Dresden truly remarkable.

Reunion with the Girls at Hamburg
It was the most anticipated reunion of the year. On the previous night, Zawadi did call and confirm that the girls will be waiting for us and wanted to surprise us with early X-mas gifts. It is all emotional meeting them once again and them seeing us off at the Hamburg airport. We exchange gifts. It is Christmas come earlier for my boy George when he receives a gift from his object of his desires. Lucky him.

My gift card reads…

The stars to realize your potential are within you…or so in German.

We exchanged the final contacts and here it is hope that it is the beginning of a long lasting relationship that will lead to better or worse things, but hopefully better, like I need that baby like now…Kidding. Literary.


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