40 things women aged 24-26 should know…

Last week I had a session with men of my age. It was interactive and admittedly I made much sense in spite of myself. This week, I turn my pen on women and hopefully I will step on a few toes. My apologies in advance.

“I only drink hard stuff when I really want to get down with it. When I really I want that dirty, wild sex…” That is a familiar  line I have heard at least from 5 different women aged 19-22. I cannot immediately disclose my findings in this forum but I have come to the conclusion that it mere wishful thinking. And women like men can thump up their chest on matters in the sheets, but the proof of the pudding is in the eating (pun-intended).

 

What exactly does it mean to be a woman in your mid-20s? You have certainly outgrown the bumpy years of post-teenagehood, marked by unadulterated experimental sex and the naive optimism that vanishes with the accumulation of years.

 

A woman in her early 20s leads an ideal life. The man has to be tall, handsome and preferably dark. The sex has to be rapturous. The man must be able to satiate her million desires. This also coincides with the time she is in her formative years in college, where she thinks pretty lowly about  her male colleagues. But by the time she steps out of college, mostly in her mid-20s, she already knows what the world is out here and what it holds for her…at least a good number should learn these things or should have an idea. We unveil some of the 40 things that chickas in their mid-20s must know.

 

• By 24, a woman must outgrow such silly lines like, ‘I have never done this, or I don’t like doing this’. This is when she is about to do something like giving a blow job, or that no-strings attached fling. No sooner she says this than she proceeds to give you some really good head or liking the fling so much that a man is left wondering for someone who doesn’t like that why she is giving too much. Outgrow that crap and accept you like it and you do it every so often. We know and we won’t kill you. Possibly the reason we ask you out in the first place.
• By 24, a woman who regularly engages in sex has aborted or can recite ten methods of abortion, crude and safer ones or at least know one backstreet friend who can come in handy, after that trysts results in her missing the periods.

 

-By 24, a woman should have learnt to monitor her reproductive clock and should never be caught unawares by an unwanted pregnancy. Unwanted pregnancies are stuff for teenagers. Hence stocking those P2s becomes a prerogative just any man of their age stocks condoms.

 

• In the mid-20s, a woman must have encountered all the men she has ever dreamt about. That tall, dark and handsome man. The men who gave her the sex of her life but left after too soon. You wish them back of course, don’t you?

 

 

-By this age of course that one bad shag or two is inevitable. We have already talked about it here and this is not a pornographic blog.

 

• By mid-20s, a woman at least should meet a man who at least suggested marriage and ready to commit. But of course you shrugged off such suggestions. What with your school and career. And of course you know the essence of your own income in the future. But come 26, in retrospect you discover that entertaining that idea won’t have been a bad thing as such.

 

• In the mid-20s, a woman must know that a heartbreak is part and parcel of life. Knowing how to move beyond that point of being dumped qualifies one as mature.

 

• In the mid-20s, a woman must sure discover that she can only give a man sex. Those who discover this learn how to use men for the rest of their lives. Men can do anything to get shag and any intelligent woman can know that any straight man’s intention of taking her out or having any interest in her is sexual. You know what David did and what brought Samson down.

 

• By mid-20s a woman must have big shock absorbers to the obvious truths like her looks and intelligence when brought into question. Nothing infuriates like a woman old enough to know that she is not as pretty and she thinks insisting on hideous make-up or presumptuous behaviour like a hellish attitude that is meant to mean she is hot when in actual sense she is not. See girls, life is not all about looks. We do not vote on how we turn up looking, otherwise all men will be Denzel and women Keysha Cole…If you fall short of looks, remember intelligence and good behaviour are equally good turn-ons on men and much more everlasting ones than looks.

 

• In the mid-20s, there must be a man you have done all sorts of crazy things with. Those wild escapades and defiant behaviour like sneaking into a club with hard stuff or sex in the car.

 

• In the mid-20s, it is now a fact that dating an old man is killing two birds with one stone. He provides and knows his way in the sheets.

 

• In the mid-20s, many women do have that one man they can get to bed after just one phone call. It could be an ex or an old flame. Or this man who is basically for the shags. There is an unspoken mutual agreement that the relationship should not go beyond the sexual.

 

• In the mid-20s, a woman learns why they lie about their age and value birthdays so much.

 

• In the mid-20s, a woman stops to worry why men are always vexed with weaves. Like, can’t a woman have her weave and men shut up?

 

• It is important at this age; a woman learns to stop venting all her anger and confessions on Facebook.

 

• At this point in her life, a woman must surely learn how to deal with her exes. Those who want back and she doesn’t want to see even their shadow. Those, she really wants back but she knows a camel would go through the needle eye first before they come back.

 

• By mid-20s, occasional cohabitation, purely to satiate a man’s pelvic thirst is not such a bad idea. He calls and you show up, after all, you like his diggs. The movies, the liquor and the nice foods in exchange for sex is never a bad thing or is it?

 

• By mid-20s, a woman should learn that sex is an overrated experience and the big-O can be an elusive thing.

 

• By mid-20s, a woman should learn how to fleece a pizza and money from his boyfriend without making it look like she is a gold-digger, unless she is one of course.

 

• Mid-20s are an important stage for a woman because some really stupid aunt might be fancying some crazy idea about marriage to some man,patently inspired by the disposable income of the man.

 

• It is crime if a woman is in the mid-20s, well educated dances bend-over, worst of all with a man who is not her boyfriend.

 

• By mid-20s, a woman can get really confused about her choices in life,. Hence she will fornicate on a Saturday afternoon, dance the whole of Saturday night and yet still show up in the Sunday morning service with eyes looking like pepper was sprayed into them.

 

• By mid-20s, it becomes imperative for women to fulfill the number 3 female fantasy; random sex with a stranger…There is no way I can explain the explosive issue of Chips Funga…

 

• By mid-20s, a woman must learn about safety and avoid potential serial killers. A woman should not at any point entrust a strange man with her total safety. Never.

 

• The mid-20s are the best times for a woman to focus on career aspirations and keep her eyes on the prize.

 

• It is at this point many beautiful women sadly realize that just because they are beautiful, it doesn’t stop their men from cheating on them. They also discover that beauty too can be overrated and men have a specific inclination for going after average chickas.

 

• By mid-20s, a woman should at least know six ways men use to dump women and should never wait even when the writing is on the wall.

 

• The mid-20s a woman gets to learn that there are men out there even if you sent all cues, verbal or otherwise they can’t see the green light. Even if you undressed, they still will be dumb and will never realize. Learn either you are not hot enough and he is acting disinterested or he is simply clueless. It is two-way.

 

• By mid-20s, it is only natural for a woman to be impatient with men of her age. They are probably broke-asses, good for nothing buggers whose only contribution to a relationship is a regulated number of beers in club in town and demanding sex afterwards.

 

• By mid-20s, if you must scream, let it be natural or at least be really. Exaggerated cries are a turn off. Period.

 

• In the mid-20s, a woman learns that any place can be made into a bed instantly and walking around with condoms in the handbag is not that evil. You never know when the craving will strike. Men can be creative of clearing the table in the office or that pavement. Nature.

 

• In this age group, there are many paid-up trips organised by men. If you are willing to show up, then it is in order to know the expectations of the men. It is forbidden to show up in that part of the month,. Neither should you take offence if a man wants a random fling. Get it right; unless it is a church outing, there are not charitable men out here. Every gift you receive comes with a responsibility(read sexual obligation)

 

• If a woman is a player, she will better be discreet and know how to compartmentalize the men in her life well, lest she gets busted. A busted cheating woman is a sore sight.

 

• A woman at this point in her life should unlearn those foolish theories about height and size.

 

• At this age it is significantly important for a woman to drop stupid ideas like that nauseating belief that a man with car is someone worth sleeping with.

 

• At this age, any intelligent woman should know how to tell a fake from a really man. Unfortunately, this is the most gullible age group. If a man must front all his belongings and you fall for that then woe betides you. A man must sell his material side as well as his intellectual and charming side to woo you. If all he has are fancy electronics and you fall for him, SHAURI YAKO.

 

• A woman in this age bracket must have learnt on how to handle her mood swings, heck they have been there for more than ten years.

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8 thoughts on “40 things women aged 24-26 should know…

  1. Silas Nyanchwani Ondicho…me likest…I will keep my feminist inclined criticism to myself(but only 4 2day) n say ‘good job)…

  2. …Hahahahahaha,this is a good piece of writing..its a must read for those who want to behave real..like that screaming thing.how can you scream when a person has not even touched you?????..this is strange.

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