40 Things about men in the mid-20s

The mid-20s (24-26) are a very significant stage of manhood. It is the time a man tries to find a bearing in his life. It is a time a man has so many business dreams and ideas but no capital. It is the time the man wants to be independent but has no proper means to fend for himself.

 

It is time everything in the world is unforgiving; the job market wants experience and he wields none. The girlfriend wants him to prove his worth by availing the chocolate and flowers. The parents want see some value for their money by seeing some accomplishment, at least academically. So the mid-20s is a phase that any man worth his balls should have learnt and experienced a number of things. 40 of them are here with us this Monday.

 

  1. In the mid-20s, a man should have outgrown masturbation, wet dreams and seeks more conventional means of attaining sexual fulfillment. Masturbation becomes an increasingly embarrassing activity and wet dreams are synonymous with adolescence. So spare that Vaseline jelly for the face.

 

  1. At this stage, a man should have dated the most beautiful woman by his standards, the ugliest by his standards and anything in between.

 

 

  1. A man should have broken a heart or two (and to the bad boys, numerous).

 

  1. A man must have had his heart broken into smithereens by the woman he wanted to give his all.

 

 

  1. By 25, a man must have been rejected by this gorgeous chicka who gave him too much audience but in the end said NO. It is still mysterious as life to the man over why she turned down his advances, yet she claimed to feel the vibe.

 

  1. In the ages 24-26, a man regularly has to turn down blatant sexual gestures from willing female friends. It could be because of their looks, their morals or simply the man’s discretion doesn’t allow him to shag anything willing female around.

 

 

  1. By 26, you have had one or two extremely disappointing bedroom encounters. You shouldered the blame. Either you couldn’t rise to the occasion or had premature ejaculations: which is the most frustrating comparable only to eating rice with a toothpick.

 

  1. You must understand that occasionally a man must pay up for sex, and not necessarily prostitutes.

 

 

  1. At this age, a man must not lie about his age (or at any given time.)

 

  1. At this age, a man must come to a conclusion that all women (our mothers and sisters included) possess a demonic gene that often coincides with their periods. It is the gene that compels them to nag, ask questions you do not have answers to, gossip and possibly insist on weaves.

 

 

  1. Speaking of weaves, at this age, a man can only hate on weaves because there must be a folk or female friend out there who dons a weave. So you just ignore.

 

  1. By 24-26, a man must drop those silly nicknames off their Facebook profiles and stop asking questions like, ‘I am heartbroken, what should I do?’. Instead he should inbox his close confidante and seek advice. Some things are really silly when they are in the public domain.

 

 

  1. While at Facebook, a man in this age bracket must drop those silly updates and vulgarity. If you must post something dirty…it gotta be dark humour or a sexist joke that can generate that odd laughter.

 

  1. In this age group you have an ex or two who are only a phone call away for sex.

 

 

  1. You have an ex who hates you so much that of you stepped into a lift and found only her, you will have to step out.

 

  1. You must have an ex who desperately wants back but your mind is already made up on this.

 

 

  1. You have an ex in another serious relationship who occasionally calls you or meets you and warns you on bad habits such as drinking, smoking or philandering ways. You value her opinion so much, and you still don’t understand why she left if she still cares that much.

 

  1. At this age, you must have one or two women who have eluded you ever since for some time. They wanted you to have too many guts, money or both. At the moment you have neither but you have sworn that even if it will be in your 30s, you must lay them, whatever it takes.

 

 

  1. In your 24-26s, you should have known your alcohol capacity, brands that you take on different occasions and should outgrow bar brawls.

 

  1. You must have had that one woman who got you all mushy and romantic but your best was never good enough. Either she was not the romantic type or her romance sensibilities were in the league of fancy electronics nice rides.. She made you run errands like fetching pizza or movies in exchange for a rare sexual encounter. It was always on her terms until you concluded you can get the same from any woman for less.

 

 

  1. By this age, you should have participated in a groupie and must have dropped the habit. You should be through such adolescent stupidities of combies and wild sex should gain new meaning.

 

  1. Related to 21, by this age, a man who wants a good shag must know where he can get one. Which woman can provide. Which tribe (any Luhyia or Kao in the house?), which occupation, say the Koinange women. Or generally any average female who is an urban dweller has watched one too many pornographic movies and read too many magazines about style and hygiene.

 

 

  1. By this age, post-coital (after sex) talk is no longer an embarrassing affair.

 

  1. By this age, inborn knowledge should enable one to trust his instincts and sticking to what they tell him.

 

 

  1. By this age, maturity should catch up with you. Respect women. All these other wars we often wage against women should not blind you from acknowledging the role women perform in our lives. You don’t generalize everything and you have women you respect so much in your life.

 

  1. By this time, you should have known that women think Logic is the second moon in Planet Mars. Ever tried being logical with a woman. It is frustrating. In fact given an option of running round a pitch 20 times and reasoning out with a woman’s whose brain has taken a deliberate leave or PMSing , I’d rather the 20 punitive laps.

 

 

  1. By the time a man gets to this phase, you should know your potential in every aspect of life; academic, sexual…

 

  1. You learn that women are hardly loyal to any man. A woman can dump you in the morning and in the evening she is in the arms of another man. It is funny what they tell the new men in their lives. About their strict sexual discipline. About how they like men who are men blah blah blah…

 

 

  1. By the time a man gets to this phase, he should be having friends who have Vukad the border and became snobbish. You know the guys who got into the military or took up parallel degrees after school and now earn a six figure salary with Some NGOs…It doesn’t help that these are the guys who you always beat academically in class. Now the game has changed.

 

  1. By this age, you occasionally wish to bed the girlfriend of your best friend or you have harboured such an ambition. She was willing. It is always a matter of time and opportunity.

 

 

  1. By this time, you have possibly betrayed you best friend by sleeping with his ex…and he knew. There is no such a thing as an ex someone completely cast away.

 

  1. By this age, you should have two or three permanent enemies. It could be your high school teacher. It could be your lecturer or a relative.

 

 

  1. By this time, you must have known the beauty of no-strings attached relationships. You possibly have this chicka, you occasionally meet for drinks and rapturous sex until next time.

 

  1. You must have decided on the nature of music you will listen into your latter days as a man and you have taken up music with longevity such as Lingala, Benga and Soul.

 

 

  1. Still on music, you have outgrown crunk, rock and other genres of bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, music. Rock. Who listens to this repetitive, crass music…Charlo, get a life. Rock. F*** that. I sed it here?

 

  1. You should be having an Obama out there or should be having plans. Men there is no time left for you and marriage seems to be going South…having a son out there might come in handy sometime in the future.

 

 

  1. You must have developed an intellectual mettle that can sustain some relevant academic discourse.

 

  1. You must possess some special skills such as cooking nice ugali or slaughtering a goat. Also opening wine, gin and whiskey bottles requires a dexterity that only comes with age.

 

 

  1. You must have hardened your heart and emotions that you are never surprised when you discover that your chicka is a baby mama and you never imagined about it. You must have matured enough to act calm when you walk into an isolated bar and meet your chicka with a man who looks like he likes some. And the nature of their talk that doesn’t seem like it is business or a Christian meeting.

 

  1. You no longer fret about women playing men. You understand that the rules of the game have changed. For better or for worse.

 

BONUS

 

  1. You must possess some social skills such as dancing and swimming. You should also learn never to let your woman dance or swim with any man. Men are invariably sexually opportunistic in such moments and the percentage of women who have self-control under such circumstances is equal to the percentage of the Kenyan police who are not corrupt.

 

  1. You must develop confidence to approach any good looking woman without freaking out. All women are the same, whether rich or poor. Intelligent or stupid. The skills are always the same. Just listen to her…Know what she wants or expects out of a man and be exactly that….
Advertisements

8 thoughts on “40 Things about men in the mid-20s

  1. Wicked analysis.great read.the skill part i hav 2 agree is a must hav 4 any dude worth his salt.nothn brutal lik beheadin chickens but classy enuf to declare in any forum.

  2. guess tht is y this is the wrong age for any serious gal to commit to. they r all at SEX…u’ve made guyz in this age bracket luk dumb…nothn intellectual,husband_like(wink),manly abt them. they luk lyk sex robots…eeeeewwwww. which to a particular extent isn’t a fair representation. there are some good 24-26 men out thea…

  3. what the hell is a man that age even doing on facebook, twitter or any other jobless-corner social networking site? U should be going back to the rock ages polepole uwachie watoto.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s