In 18 days, I will be finishing campus. It is only fair that I account for the women I have interacted with for the future generation of men to learn from my not-so-savoury experiences. One of the things you confirm upon joining campus is that nice guys really finish last and never try to be logical with a woman or a policeman. It is pointless. So here I sum up all the bad women I have encountered and wish no brother should encounter them albeit it is just inevitable.
1. Pangani Girls Loudmouths
One Mase Kamasara will be mad about the veracity of this rant. I can’t stand ladies who went through Pangani Girls. They suffer from running mouth. They define bitchy better than a million nasty black American women. My cousin Moraa was the quietest girl you can bump into but after going through Pangani, her lips have never met. Can someone tell me what goes on there?
Can the geographical positioning of the school in the Eastlands explain this obnoxious phenomenon, or is it just me. And how come Starehe, who are a fence away, are so cool. Suffice to say they are of average looks but with make-up, they pretty much turn up looking a little pretty in the Nairobian Plastic sense. They are highly opinionated and very little else. They have an overplayed sense of importance and think themselves the cleverest in town.
I ain’t hating because some of the cleverest, intelligent and funniest women I have met schooled in Pangani, but there is this clique that simply gets to my nerves. They drink anything given the occasion and who is footing the bill. I have partied with them under different circumstances and the rate at which they switched drinks from classy parties to the ones held in our campus rooms is amazing. To them, every occasion has its drink. They claim class but one can’t put a finger on it.
They can be physical for me and tomboyish. I said it here. If you can avoid them, please do.
2. The needy type
If you are dating her, be ready to provide for her everything. They were born in the very late 80s and early 90s and got stuck there mentally. They believe a man ought to provide for all their needs in exchange for sex, which again they can be mean and petty about, yet it is their only weapon. The provision party is not the issue. The issue is that they don’t want to play by the same stupid rules that governed dating or marriage in the 1980/90s. Men provided but they could cheat. Now these young women want you to provide, starve you sexually and still be good friends or lovers.
They lack ambition. They luck drive. Their life revolves around the lecture room, her room reading some addictive romantic nonsense novel by Danielle Steele and turning up for a soap opera and the most exciting thing is that dude Simon from her Bible Study Group. Essentially, she doesn’t have a life outside SALT (Weekly meetings held at the University of Nairobi’s Mamlaka Hill Chapel; highly pretentious.)
She incessantly demands that you tell her that you love her. Believes in old text book romance and will be searching for love in campus until she discovers that searching for love in campus is as good as…searching for sensible woman. She is damn possessive but if you want a dutiful woman you can groom to be a wife, if you can stand her nagging, then the needy ones are the thing. But be ready to provide everything.
3. Smooth Operator
She is stealth. She is a sharp girl. But not very clever. This is a girl who has learnt the potential of her beauty or the thigh power and knows how to utilize these. After all, very few men I know can resist the lure of an irresistibly well-shaped body. So this girl is the type that starts her evening by watching a movie in Hall 10(male hostel 1). Here she will be caressed and kissed profusely. Next stop is Hall 11(male hostel 2). Here she will take supper and grab a quickie on the go. Next stop is Mamlaka (male hostel 3) where this Engineering guy has been leashing out quite some good lines that she is getting accustomed to.
At around 11 she will be headed to Box, take a shower, dress skimpily and you will meet her going down hurriedly. Destination: I don’t know. This is not fiction. There is a category of women, especially the group that dates both in campus and out there. You will never find out about their dealings, unless you stumble upon some incriminating information.
These girls are one of a kind. She has an abortion or two to her name. She knows at least ten secure abortion methods at various stages of a pregnancy. She knows the best birth control methods and has quite utilized some. She benefits from men in manner that only she understands. Without any clear source of income, she is the owner of the latest fashion in the female circles, some of the most impressionable electronic gadgets.
4. The player
If you thought a male player is the worst thing, think again. Ever been played by a woman? It is the most humiliating thing I know. We are not talking about the case of one woman searching for greener pastures out there when a man fails elsewhere. We are talking about a symptomatic player here. A nymphomaniac. A woman who deliberates stokes up men purely for her sexual fantasies.
She has all the men she needs by the balls. She is believable. You will never discover her secrets. This weekend she is with a Joe. Next weekend, it is Kevo. Next weekend, it is the sugar daddy. Next weekend, it is the yuppie. Next, it is her men in campus. She has a million, believable and convincing lines that she tells all these men and an amazing bedroom prowess that she has learnt to utilize well. Her aim is not the money. Hardly does she request for any material benefits from men. If anything she could be the one loaded and uses her wealth to run and ruin men.
There is a category that combines all of the above. You meet her and you are dining with the devil.