Anyone who has ever tried dumping a lover knows pretty well it is not a walk in the park. There are outbursts of emotions to deal with, and depending on the nature of the relationship just about to be concluded, there is invariably an overriding fear of how the other party will take it.
Now, take it from me women are much more resilient when it comes to dealing with breakups than men. A woman can be dumped today, cry the whole night and tomorrow, she will be confidently tacked in someone’s arms, completely fooling her next catch into believing that she is alright. It has happened to me. A chick who made you believe(read assume) you meant the world to her casually walks off and moves into the next relationship so casually it hurts. Sometimes, she can decide to pick it up with a close friend on the rebound. This just goes to show that someone’s trash is in indeed treasure.
For men, especially this generation, it is something different. When a man is dumped by a woman that he truly cherished, he can commit suicide. Men love but once. Women are capable of loving again and again. Only the wrecks with big cocks who give them a sex of their lives they never let go from their hearts-think the typical bad boy Mike that they keep on singing two years down the line.
But dumping has become common place in a town like Nairobi, even though the habit of getting back together is just as commonplace. Lately, I wonder why guys even care to break up. Because having occasional sex with your ex seems not only fashionable but also institutionalized.
Facing someone to explain that you have to part ways requires skills. Good skills. Like a PR expert. Like a good diplomat who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip. You need enough emotional intelligence. That ability to emotionally connect with his or her inner turmoil as you explain why you are better off apart. Acceptance is always a problem in these matters.
Of course, everyone is familiar with the common line along the words,
“This one is about me. I know you deserve better. I’m not the right man/woman for you. I seem to be going through much. So we should part ways and pursue our own dreams, if we were meant to be, we will always get back to each other,”
If told to a lady, she will cry herself sour. To her, this is sheer rejection. She will run a quick self-examination questioning her looks or personality and will take a flight to a place called denial for as long as she wants. If she wanted to stay, she will plead. But what I know about men, once they have made their mind, it is done. It is irreconcilable. If a man switched off, especially sexually, it is hard to get his groove back. I think something in us just dies.
On the other hand, if it is a woman doing the dumping and has decided to do it verbally, she will be killing the man’s ego. Dumping is a man’s job. It is masculine. It bolsters our egos. But my experience around this town has shown that there as many women doing the dumping as there are men. And women do it differently.
A woman never dumps a man, until she is half way into another relationship with her financial, social and more importantly sexual security guaranteed. When a woman meets a man who treats her better (better here means, he can tolerate her crap or can subdue to her numerous demands), she will give the man a test run that includes a good shag before she concludes matters on the other end. No woman dumps her present catch until the future is certain.
When she shows up to break the news, she will always be unnaturally good or extremely moody like you have really pissed her off. Women can never be tactical on this one. Sometimes they can be blunt and get away with it. They offer to be friendly afterwards, but there’s always that evil grin of stupid conquest. What I hate most is their dishonesty. When you ask them, if it is another man?
“No, I’m not jumping into another relationship. I have been through a lot with you and I need some time off…”bullshit! Right there, she is busy texting him to meet for coffee. F*** coffee.
Either way, there is never an easy way out.
Use sign language
The commonest means of dumping is using sign language. Here are the common signs that all is not well;
• When the number of calls and messages go down, is obvious that you should read the signs.
• When she breaks the pattern of regularity, always busy with what sounds legitimately commitments, it is time to inquire about stuff.
• When the phone suddenly becomes a private affair with passwords to even lighting the flashlight.
• When there are no calls whatsoever forthcoming when you expecting them.
• When any sort of dependence is no longer called for. The other party becomes suddenly independent.
• When he starts flirting with women in your presence, a habit hitherto not witnessed it means a part of him has died. Take a clue boy.
• When there is always a reason to stay away from you.
• When the reception becomes ice cold each growing day with all the niceties and sweet nothings suddenly disappear.
• When the tongues begin to get suddenly to get as careless as possible and traces of untold rudeness begin to emerge.
• When your belongings, especially those lady with the clichéd habit of leaving behind small things like pants and earrings are relocated and your question is met with some still hostility, it means move out the next occupant is just about the corner.