To all the women in UoN, class 2011

Dear All female students, Class 2011,

I must first apologize. This treatise should have come much earlier, but I’m a firm believer of better late than never. I dedicate this to all women we started the journey in campus together. It has been quite a good ride with you; we have been the best of friends and the cordial relationship we have enjoyed together is very much celebrated.

However, I believe it is time we talked. It is time I told you what your men have been thinking and saying about you behind your backs. Some were good. Some were bad and others quite ugly. But I know, we(men) do not have monopoly over these things and I certainly believe that you neither had the sweetest compliments for us, so the feeling, whether good or bad has been and will always remain mutual.

As we start our final semester in this great institution, we can start by having a look of what has been happening over the last four years.

When we joined, the majority of you came straight from the village. I remember many used to wear clothes, hairstyles and shoes that screamed village. We laughed. Not that we were any better, only that sometimes it is too demanding being a woman. I know of men, especially from my tribe who never quite styled up and probably never will, including yours truly. Like there is one from my village,(he is an Enkororo, believe you me) who has a thing for yellow shirts, pink ties brown trousers(no exaggeration whatsoever). He irks me. I hate his fashion sense, but he seems to be enjoying his monstrous, nay, hideous, colour coordination. So for the ladies who arrived from the village and switched into the city ways, kudos.

The pressure was to conform was too much, I know. Men never looked your direction and female friends could never stop to gossip, like yesterday, while having a toast to an old comrade, one female friend mentioned that her roommate in first year never knew what Pizza is…(Ann, never mind…it won’t go beyond here). With such kind of peer pressure, it was nearly inevitable that you got an extra coin, get yourselves a decent wardrobe and hairstyles. I was impressed it happened in good time.

Where you got the money was never and can never be part of my business. Whether you got yourself a yuppie, a sugar daddy or whoever, I know you did it for survivalv purposes. In the jungle called Nairobi it was inevitable. Those who have maintained, hi 5 from all of us. . .

Those who were a bit generous with their bodies in first year, thanks. You helped, many a boy learn a few things. You probably gave many of us from the village our first pornographic sex in the name of blow jobs and the likes. We couldn’t have learned otherwise. Some of you were quite loose, I must say, we understand it was young adult adolescence. A time to explore new sexual avenues beyond the puppy nonsense prior to campus. I know, many of you were disappointed by the lackluster performance, but we both were learning.

I remember some even forged relationship that lasted some time; I must say it was commendable. It is good to try than not try at all. At least it is a marvelous learning experience. Those who ponyokad with older guys, you have been forgiven. At least you were realistic in your demands that we could not deliver, due to obvious constraints. You also fed us with grudge to revenge upon you and you doubly contributed to the vicious circle and cycle of older male students dating, or getting sex from young ones forever. Very few such liaisons actually did last. In retrospect, I have come to accept such relationships are more sexual for the man and materially beneficial for the woman. But good nonetheless. The breakups are never any sweeter but again, whatever else…

I was never especially lucky with any, I tried one but learnt in good time that I was not the right person for her. I was rather too worldly and she was quite the reserved type, literally. I still owe her an apology and if she is reading here, I hope she does, accept my apology. A nother one nearly got me ran over…My God, will I ever get over this…I like her name…it sounds and tastes good in my hear and mouth…

Those who remained religious and stuck in church, my respect. Anyone who follows the right and the righteous path, I support them fully. That is the only right thing you can do and I hope to God that He supports you fully and may grant you all the wishes of your heart, that are heavenly.

Those who get knocked up, sorry for the accident if it was not planned. Accidents do happen in the bedroom. The condom can burst or things have been known to spill. Those who aborted for various reasons, extraneous or otherwise, I leave you with your personal gods to judge you. Those who braved and gave birth, our respect. That was a sign of demonstrable maturity. It is never easy being a woman, a young mother with an absentee daddy,and a student; all in one stride. I envy them. How I wish by now I was a father…By giving birth, whether the pregnancy was acquired in one fit of orgasmic naiveté, goes to show someone ready to take responsibility of their mistakes, which is not an easy thing as age has taught me.

Those who refused to date us, because they thought we were down and out, I have sad news. The men you so much despised will be running this town. You will admiring them on the cover of glossy magazines and on telly. They will be everywhere and the much you can say is that I was with him in campus, and may be tag a photo on Facebook, taken by Oloo in one accidental afternoon as evident. And I know most of the time you will be hating and cursing inwardly.

We knew where we could not cut the mark. Those high flying mamaz!!. We didn’t have many per se. But the few we had, we secretly admired you and we knew that you were totally out of our reach. We bit our fingers, but did little. But we do hope with good jobs and decent jobs we will ever meet, even if for aka one night stand…

To the politicians of my years…you know where we will meet, I will skip here for reasons best known to me, if I write anything it will be deemed personal, I can’t look the gift horse in the mouth.

To those who have served us with clean, reliable notes, dutifully attending class, you deserve something better in life. Good jobs. Good husbands. Good lives and all that. Some of us could never have made it here were it not for you…Lilian and Sophie, we owe you a million and so much respect. To God, we thank you for your academic generosity.

To those who came, did nothing and will be leaving this place without having done anything, please try and do get a life. To the promiscuous, kindly take care lest your fleshly demands take you down. To those who cheated on us, we will forgive you and hope that you will drop the habit. I could have gone but my word limit is gone, but I know, I owe you one final dispatch….

Sincerely,
Silas…

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4 thoughts on “To all the women in UoN, class 2011

  1. &to those who haven’t slept around,too bad,fate is blind to virtues. an apt piece,though reactionary&too much caution-seems u got a stake.honestly,they believe we don’t even know to blow our noses.

  2. Silas,this is a thorough,precise and carefully narrated essay of your four year stay at UoN.I never was a student there but I can imagine how it has been.
    I wish to encourage you not to stop your writing after there given the challenges awaiting you outside campus.
    All the best in your remaining bit of the semester.

  3. Nice summary of the experiences…but there are deep emotions but don’t mind this means you have a story to tell just like many others,me included.

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