Today is Valentine and I don’t expect many red dresses around. Not in the least in this campus environment where everyone has a questionable opinion on matters love. A good number of the ladies are booked for dinner and rapturous sex afterwards, I know. For some broke lads, they are busy making debts to impress their objects of desire, but predictably, some disappointment will be registered. If they won’t do it quick enough, some else will do it.
But for more than 80%, today is just Monday the 14th, Period. Some broke up recently and some are just not hitched. Those old enough and mature will regret a little but will be busy to notice the showy mannerisms that will wreck the day for obvious reasons. For the lucky few we wish you well. For the unlucky, let us take comfort in numbers. Tuko wengi. Many men will not be fretting much.
So let us discuss love in campus for the umpteenth time, shall we?
Love. There is a quick painful ring to the word. An obvious reaction in both sexes. Something repulsive. A woman tells a man that she loves him, the man either feels cheated, trapped or suffocated, depending on the emotional character of the woman. You tell a woman that you love her, she runs a historical background to ascertain if you do not have a history of mental instability. Women hate it. In general terms, both sexes, now loathe the term.
Shall we then propose to the lexicographers (makers of dictionaries) to appropriately assign a good indicator to the word as either archaic, offensive or something like that? I digress.
I recently bumped into my ex in a night club and it was a sobering moment. Since we broke up, we had never exchanged even pleasantries for more than a minute. This night presented unique challenges. She walked in with another friend of hers and they nearly went back but I convinced them to stay. Grudgingly, they obeyed. But it meant, we had to thrive cautiously. I couldn’t ogle the raunchy dancing going on and she couldn’t dance in my presence.
I was with my close friend, Charles who was visiting and I was showing him the wild side of Nairobi. Amidst the boredom, I pulled a cigarette and started puffing. I do it every once in a while when I’m extremely bored or annoyed at something. She hated it. She hated me.
“You never even once told me that you smoke, much less drink in the entire period we dated,”
she asked me, really pissed off at my smoking.
“Well, stuff change. People change,” I said in the most philosophical and monosyllabic manner. She looked unconvinced.
We changed venue when the DJ started entertaining himself and settled in an abandoned corner in another club at the heart of the city. She was a little tipsy and within my touching distance. Interesting thoughts were fertile in my imagination, but her future boyfriend is good and close buddy. Besides I believe in integrity. But she opened up and we shared a lot. Nothing beats alcohol honesty. She poured her heart to me and explained why she had to leave. Besides my being too busy for her, she said,
“You never even once said that you love me,” She told me, sobbing….
Oooh, kumbe it was all about the four letter word…
I am an incurable cynic when it comes to love, relationships and such stuff. I can’t stand a nagging woman and sometimes the female demands outstrip my sexual needs by far. I know many men who subscribe to my school of thought. It makes much logical, fiscal, economical, psychological sense picking up a prostitute and paying her than dating an average Nairobian woman. This we shall address in the subsequent blogs.
Jane if we can call her so, wanted love. I could not give it to her. She went on searching. From her explanation she was not getting as much. There are so many Janes in campus that we are going to discuss here today.
One more anecdote:Auma.
Auma is the girl I have been asking out in the recent times. She is a young, reasonably beautiful and the posses the most proportionate hips I have seen in a long time. The subtlety of it all adds some sexual aura to the game and her girliness brings a rare youthfulness. She is not strikingly beautiful from the outset, but it takes no more than two minutes of her walking besides you, talking to you before you start undressing her mentally.
It is unfair talking about her…Even disrespectful. At least I should spare you the details, but this is between me and you… trust me, she won’t access this. By the time she does, I would have pulled of this particular post off.
There is something instructive about this relationship that I want to use to in order to expose the psycho-sexual relationships of young men and women in campus.
Ideally, Auma is my perfect match. A woman I can groom to be my future long-time girlfriend or wife if all goes well. She is two years younger than me, two classes behind. She carries herself with grace and dignity that she got me using the word lady after I think three years.
But no sooner I started dating her than I discovered a fatal flaw in her that can be hard for me to stand: She is possessive. She is petty. Typical of a nagging wife. For instance on Saturday, it was football madness. Nine hours of pure, unadulterated soccer. Rooney scored the best goal of my life time, Van Persie taught Manchester what to do with Wolves, Asamoah Gyian scored a nice opener in the Sunderland match and my best current player, David Villa(pronounced as Viya) looped another creative goal..So how was I to miss this in the name of love…She has not stopped talking about it. I can’t even hug or call my numerous girl friends without her asking me who is that and why the pleasantries.
Well going by the nature of my trade, I have numerous female friends. Some beautiful, some not so pretty. Some friendly, some more than friends. We do a lot of crazy stuff together but there are clearly marked boundaries, but she will have none of it. If I allow her to posses me, I will definitely ruin my career, yet I need to put food on the table.
So, what does a man need in a woman? Well, she must meet a certain physical criterion that revolves around a nice shape, most prefer some sizable, spankable bum, and reasonable beauty. This is as far as the sexual expectations go. Beyond the sexual, if there is need for a relationship, a woman must be femininely emotional and exude a certain amount of vulnerability, not naiveté. She must also be witty and intelligent. This criterion is scientific and tangible.
What do women want? Nowadays, some physical criterion where Tyrese is a the benchmark has become too common place. At least seven women have cited him to me within the last five months. We have hit the gym for that. Nairobian women get what Nairobian women want. A man can be witty, loaded or whatever but it seems the emotional and mental content of the man is not a big deal, granted he packs a good punch in the bedroom and leashes out gifts and favours like that. And women have been shifting goal posts ever since until nowadays, they have taken them off altogether that it is impossible for men to score.
I’m talking about the younger generation in 20-26. Most of us happen to be in campus. Talking of University of Nairobi, it is a different story altogether. Being located at the heart of the city presents unique challenges.
It means our women are over-exposed. They must be treated in the city centre. Not many men in campus have sufficient disposable income to throw around. But there are ex-UoNers who are a pain in the butt of many men around. With their cheap Toyotas and Kshs 60,000 monthly salary, they park their cars outside the female halls of residence and this has created a really bad culture. Sort of a vicious cycle that even us are looking forward to perpetuate.
Nairobi University teaches women bad mannerisms and is responsible for the surging numbers of single women in Nairobi. Women teach men the hard way and nearly all my friends will leave campus with hardened hearts and will never ever treat women any better. Women snob men. Women ridicule men and they make being a man between 20-24 such a pain.
Why do they do that? Well, there expectations are a higher and the men in campus cannot fulfill them at all. They need beautiful hairstyles. They need proper shopping. They need to explore. They are the formative stage of sexual maturity. The initial learning of the tidbits of love and romance. They are searching for the elusive big O. They want that tall, dark and handsome man. Listening to their expectations is an exercise in humour.
Quite frankly, not many men can meet their demands, hence their shopping outside. At least working men are experienced in all aspects than the broke asses in campus. They can conveniently date in campus, have occasional sexual encounters in the hostels but it stops being funny at some point and they become outward looking.
For the saved type, the church is a source of many things including a boyfriend. But who said there are no disappointments in church? Even my in naturally conservative religious order (read Adventist) I have witnessed some of the worst heartbreaks. And men no longer trust women in the church as much as women no longer do. I know of a Margret who got dumped after four years of dating. She is the sweetest thing I know to date. We were in the same primary school, went to the same church. I used to envy her relationship but the sour ending was an eye opener.
Men in campus with time learn to distrusts women. They learn to loathe their untrustworthiness. They hate how quick women degenerate and how callous women can be. How women are able to move on after a nasty breakup with another man within the same geographical space keeps on eluding many men.
It is a crazy world. Very few men dog around. Out of ten, only three men have the sexual, psychological and financial capacity to cheat around. They give the rest a bad name. Out of ten women, six are unfaithful, materialistic and plain irritating.
To me love in campus is impossible. Only 1% percent can date until marriage. 5% can have a lengthy relationship up to until one year. But semesterial relationships are common place. Up to 10%. Flings are pegged at about 20% while dating outside is at 40%. Some never date until they finish.
To me love is impossible in campus. Having a successful relationship in campus is the exception rather than the norm.
And to think, we had so many expectations when we came in. Phew!!!!!