2010 Laughing Points

2010 offered some of the best insights into my social, academic and financial life. Here are a few things that are worth making note of in the spirit of sharing some end year laughter like that. This is a collection of some of the things, events or jokes that generated that cheerful laughter…Some might be too local….and the humour might be lost in the simplicity of my mode of transmission.
1. That ATM machine and the male size issue at the urinal
Bony must have picked this from some blog…when it comes to the ATM machines, those with large balances can afford the luxury of standing a few inches from the machine so that whoever who is looking can have a glimpse into of the balance, even for bragging sake…And this is so for those who are well-hung down there at the urinal. Those who lean too close to the wall, or try to cover their stuff must be size-disadvantaged. This is almost scientifically verifiable…dudes next time someone stands inches from the urinal just steal a look at his wee-wee and for sure you will notice…but be careful lest you be taken for being gay…
2. Does the AON on the MAN U t-shirt mean ‘Afraid of Nasri’?
This came from Maina Kageni on Monday night during the Arsenal match on Monday Last week at Soccer City, Klub 1. Trust Arsenal fans to try and convert the initials into something else. Do you remember the AIG, Arsenal Is Good/Great?
3. The most romantic line ever written by me
We were winding our third year at KBC and having some easy talk like that when guys started hurling all manner of jokes towards me with regards to my crush on some girl in our class when Katsy, in his huge load of wisecracks unleashed this:
“That Silo, the most romantic line you have ever told Carol(not her name) is “Good Night” and you were too tipsy.”
Katana also simplified a talk I was organising titled “Manxiety: is feminine independence a threat to masculinity?”To simply mean… Carol Amenikazia vitu.
4. Let Matonya sing please…
I was in a Matatu from Westlands when Matonya’s popular tune Anisa was playing and this typical Nairobian chick was singing in a pertubingly high pitch to everyone’s irritation. It took this middle-aged man with a deceptively humble face to put an end to her self absorption into that  famous bongo tune…
THE MZEE: Hey Msichana, wimbo mzuri sana, huo ni wimbo wa nani?(asked in a very honest way).
THE GIRL:(genuinely excited and Sincere)Si ni Matonya.
MZEE: (In a subtly impatient voice)Na si umwache aimbe basi…
The meanest thing, but it saved us her irritating voice.
5. The most interesting phone call

Together with my bunch of friends, we have a habit of flattering women rather badly. At one point, one chick once told me that we can flatter someone until she slims. In the same line we have a way of attacking female strangers and always flirting and flattering with them, occasionally to riskier extents.
Now some two months ago I met some hot mama at Club Sound. She had that fetching smile that normally disarms me. I went to her table had a few words with her and got her number. I called the following day for Ice Cream, but apparently she was nursing her hang over…Then I gave PO the duty and responsibility of ensuring that we lure the lady into town and see we can have something going on.
She didn’t turn up after the first phone call….she was busy in class…this women from Strathmore. We had instructed her  to pick a joint of her choice but she didn’t turn up all together…Then PO made this call:
PO: You didn’t turn up the other day…
MARGRET: I was not able, I was kinda buzy…but I will be in town on Wednesday afternoon…
PO: Is it possible we hook up then?
MARGRET: Sure, we can meet,
PO: Which place can be convenient for you…?
MARGET:No, Just pick the place, I will be comfortable…
PO: Well….let’s see…will the The Nolfolk be OK for you…
MARGRET: Kwani, you work there?
Truly…we don’t even come closer to anyone who works in a Five Star…

6. The easiest way to lose a phone
We began our fourth year in a rather dramatic fashion…
I was with PO doing lunch at CCU, when I spotted this irresistibly beautiful woman with some pair of feet that I could have with Chapatti for supper, any day… I murmured to PO who opened up a conversation with her. She was responsive in the comrade way, so we decided to chase her up to Chiromo, having some easy talk with her…like that. She was intelligent, spoke some nice, fashionable English and we were convinced that we had hit gold.

When we asked for her number, she denounced and took a serious stance…Ostensibly, she doesn’t suffer stalkers…we pleaded but our pleas fell on deaf ears…time was running out.
Now there is a small psychological joke that we normally run on such women… I threatened to leave my phone with her so that I can call her to my phone…She took the phone and disappeared into the building leaving us stranded looking like lost goats….nay…sheep is much like it…
Anyway she did bring the phone, after switching it off for awhile, only to find us stranded. The phone had all the important numbers that my life is so much is pegged on…
I got the number after further pleading and the rest as they say is history…
7. Showing up dressed like Fundis
We once showed in town with my Cuzo Patrick dressed like clowns to check on a pal called Joe. Joe is your witty, young man with ready one liners that can kill you. Joe, never one to miss an opportunity to diss us, asked what we were up to…
“How dare you dresse like this…If my corporate friends showed up, I will be forced to forge a call…
“Hi…the Fundis have arrived…”
8. PO being threatened to be locked in by some chick in class
PO was recently threatened to be locked in.
REASON: He had called some lady in class and asked her out. The lady, so much consumed in her insecurities met him and gave her a piece of her mind that included threatening to lock him in the coolers. We all lost our respect for that lady. That was SO ILL-ADVISED…
The list is not very conclusive but we did have our moments…we laughed…we cried…but it was a learning experience and good ride while it lasted…

2 thoughts on “2010 Laughing Points

  1. Feet Fetish?!! hmmmm,lesson learnt. And just how did you not include your little incident with the soldier at KBC?!! that could have made a pretty good read and laugh too..haha!!

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