Campus breakups;why they hurt so much?

Campus breakups; why they hurt so much

Two years ago, Griffin and I had simultaneous breakups. It was a poignant, highly emotional moment that nearly broke us down. Our breakups had notable similarities…We had both been dumped, stupid. The two women were our first true lovers in the murky and monkey business that is campus relationships. The after effects were so devastating that we nearly lost our marbles had it not been for the boy power security. The breakups came after our long breaks.

The differences: Griffins had dated for more than a year and I had just dated for three months. Griffins was doubly devastated than I was. Simply because I had not invested as much in terms of time and resources, but I was equally distraught.

Breakups in campus are inexorable. Sooner or later you part ways. This is the rule and exceptions are far much rare than you can imagine. Disappointingly enough, most women move on as if nothing really happened. And for the men in campus, this can be heartbreaking. Take my word for it; more often than not, these are our first real breakups in our post teenage hood dating era.

And when it is a woman leaving you, it is a sign of inadequacy. Financial inadequacy, sexual inadequacy and emotional inadequacy…not necessarily in that order. If a man is not strong enough he can be wrecked. It crushes one’s ego, hurts one’s pride and can be injurious to one’s self esteem. So evilly damaging. Many have been ruined, and it has taken a lot of courage to conquer that.

For me and Griffins, we had a session of therapeutic talks with boys over copious amount of tea at Senses (Student Centre)-OMG-don’t I just miss the place. How have we even made it here without it in the first place?

It was almost feminine, near gay or both. We didn’t act strong or try to be men about it. We opened up. We had a series of diatribes, lashing out at the women; quite admittedly, sour grapes but it did help. It was good for the heart.

Since our two women walked into new relationship with men in our same campus, actually our friends, we were really haunted by their ghost for quite sometime. I remember sitting in for columnist Oyunga Pala and writing on the issue. It is never funny, seeing your woman sleeping around in your hall of residence as was the case of Griffins or seeing her walking around constantly with him. It sucks big time.

Griffins, changed residence consequently when the ghost became too much. Nonetheless, we all got along together. The women were kind enough to say hi’ and call once in a while. But we learnt our lessons, with no better a teacher than experience.

Griffins was dumped because the girlfriend thought that he was sleeping around (may be he was) but it was a well choreographed move by the girlfriend to abandon him. On my part I had been accused that I was never available for her and I was persistently busy. Well I was as guilty as charged. But to date I believe there was more to it, that I hope soon she will tell me.

Why this tirade? Well in my circle of boys-six of us-the fifth and the least likely got his shocker breakup that nearly ruined him. I have never seen a brother in so much pain. So afraid of goodbye. Well he is the youngest and had been enjoying the most blissful relationship, born out of the childhood trust and faithfulness. I had warned him of complacency but he had told me off. We all do in our first love before we encounter reality with all her monstrosities.

But the girl friend wanted out rather curiously and surprisingly. It couldn’t have come at a more inapt time frame. At a time when you are all undergoing a career impasse and an unprecedented wave of msoto, the last news you want is your girlfriend pulling off from you. It is quite understandable why he is raving mad.

He has never experienced a breakup. He is young and naïve. Possibly he doesn’t know that life is one disappointing act. How often do you see a good woman entrusting her heart with a man who ends up abusing her making her hate men the rest of her life. How often have you witnessed men with good intentions being dumped with women they have so much invested in?

Love is the worst gamble. You entrust someone with your heart and body. They use it and they dump you as soon as the utility is done. Men use women. Women use men. At the end of the day, it all depends who is in the receiving end.

Thing is, we all should learn to accept the inevitability of this things. They are bound to happen. If someone ever told you that they want out, just request the reason, if only to help you be a better person next time and move on. Life is too short. And as they say, go out and mingle, there is always a lonely heart out there.

I have always held that, if someone is pulling off, don’t even think that it is remotely possible to him or her back. Usually by the time they are pulling off they are already deep into another relationship or they have it figured out.

Here is to hope that my friend will learn that sometimes those we love so much love can be a let down. My advice has been…get enough of Luther Vandross, Brian MC Knight, and the Johnny Gills of this world in his IPOD and get grooving. Get a drink, watch Arsenal play and talk to us. It can be wonderful. And to all those there who have ever been left, take heart. These things just happen.

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