Types of Sex

Types of sexual flings
Warning: this blog contains highly sexual message and you are warned to read on your own volition.

There are three categories of people who should not read this blog:

1. Pretenders; those whining that Classic FM airs outrageous content. Nobody forces them to listen.
2. Anyone who judges.
3. Anybody likely to be offended. This blog’s aim is to generate that odd smile, that odd laughter amidst our miserable lives.

Having said that, here we go.

Sex used to be a mysterious thing until pornography arrived in the scene. Until women in Nairobi discovered there better things in life than a lollipop. Nowadays sex is a casual affair. It is a feelingless, emotionless experience especially in a fast town like Nairobi. So while at it we can discuss about casually. This is about trivia and your input is highly valuable. Without further ado, here are the commonest types of sexual flings. They are in no specific order.

1. Sympathy sex

This one occurs in the event one partner is relentless in his or her pursuit to sate their pelvic thirst. One partner feels obligated to fulfill the wishes of the other, either to get rid of him or her, or a matter of sympathy after several persistent, often annoying requests. One thing is for sure, the giver will be less interested in the whole affair, and might as well as be reading the Godfather, while at it. It is not very common, but it is very begrudging and the giving party will can be very unforgiving. It is normally brief, no more than two laps.

2. Mandatory
This is obligatory sex. Like for procreation or in the formative days of a marriage setting. It is normal for people in a relationship. It is necessary and we all partake whenever and wherever the opportunity avails itself. Let us talk about other bizarre phenomena.
3. Spontaneous sex
This just happens. No one can explain. One thing leads to another and before one can pres the break peddle, two feet step on the accelerator and the rest as they say is history.
But there ought to be some mutual unsaid attraction that is less communicated with words and more with actions literally. It can happen anywhere. On the stairs. On an alley. In a bushy shrub. We used to call it green lodge love. Wonder what the teens call it nowadays.

It is easy. Lovely. Memorable, especially if done under difficult circumstances like on the back of a car after a busy day and the two of you had to sneak in. Good thing with this, there are no emotions attached to it. After the zips are in place, the two will walk on this earth like they have never seen each other eye to eye.
4. Make up sex
My favorite part in Tyler Perry’s ‘Why did I get married too’ is when Mike tries to explain why his wife Angela argues with him all the time. He captures it rather aptly,
“Angela argues with me on purpose…because the make-up sex afterwards will always be kinda rough…crazy but better.”
Women like it. I have witnessed cases where individuals quarrel the whole night only for the sobs to be turned into irritating moans. I used to stay with a room mate who fought, quarreled but always resolved everything once the man served his joystick. The following day, the chick, will be less irritable, charming until they begun all over again.
Women like this sort for some inexplicable reasons. But Veronica, a good friend tells me, that is the only way a woman can tell if the man is still interested in her. All the noise is usually about neglect.
5. Dirty sex
I grew up in the 1990s. Back then sex was good. Intimate. Clean. Access to pornography was limited. Women shied away. We didn’t have men women holding us ransom( for that us what we all feel when a woman holds your future in her mouth.). Women were conservative. Beyond the missionary position, only a prostitute could propose an animalistic side.
A decade later, pick any girl randomly in this University and you will be amazed the amount of sexual knowledge they possess. From the food to eat to in order have the energy, the best sexual positions, the required energy, the requisite fore play…
So today, the sex is simply dirty. Outrageous. Scandalous. And we are all playing by the rules that women have set. Are we going American, where women tell you what they want and you must deliver?
Nowadays, you are meeting with women armed with all sorts of gadgetry like a mobile mechanic. All sorts of gels, lubricants, vibrators, scented condoms, pills, aphrodisiacs et al. Talk about sex being the most overplayed thing.
When you meet a 20 year old taking you through a sexaton(marathon for sex) you begin to get the drift. If suggests oral sex, and you flinch, she will label you naïve and never ever set foot on your in your bedroom.
Now women want it form anywhere (in the office, in the loo in the pub, in the packing lot…).They want it in whichever way(any style using all the body organs not even suited for that; the mouth, the anus, the ears)eeh!!!, it seems nothing can stop man from having his fun. Venereal diseases tried and premarital pregnancies, he invented a condom. Just goes to show how serious this is.
Comedian Woody Allen once said sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
This discussion will on…

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