Of good sex, love and women

Of love, good sex and women

Among the women I have dated, was a recklessly naïve young lady called Lucy. Lucy was the village beau. And Boy, she had a body out of this world. She was no more than 5’5 and she had an ass that could heal any skin disease with one simple touch. It was fleshy, sizeable and could easily be the ‘most absolutely round’ thing you gonna see anywhere. She had golden yellow thighs that made me nearly sink my teeth into them many a time.

Lucy had one fatal weakness: she was a certified nymphomaniac by the age of 18. At 18, she could transform a simple sexual encounter into a lurid bedroom into a study in pornography and she had slept with many men, patently taking advantage of her vulnerability and her infinite love for sex. She also had a number of incestuous escapades that are common place in the village.

I was part of the crowd, but with a difference. She sort of adored me, in spite of her intolerably proclivity to sex which I always disproved. And I honestly sort of loved her. I wanted to keep her, have those succulent, sweet, edible thighs to myself (by the way legs are my fetish in things women, I can easily be a cannibal). She wanted me prospectively to be her boyfriend simply because I was in university and could converse in some good sheng’. I think also my height did play a role.

I was never available for her. We did exchange a few calls, but I was invariably wary of her wanton sexual escapades. Every other day, gossipy men in the village, were calling to tell me who did what with her in the village. I lost interest in her, her great body notwithstanding. For if you have to date such a woman, you must accept a simple fact: she must cheat on you.

Lucy later got a green card, went to States and the photos on Facebook, have made me want back. I once stumbled upon her on the chat line and started a simple chat that went on to be a revelation. After expending with the usual social amenities-lets just call them greetings and pleasantries-I asked why she left without even telling me.

“You had stopped caring about me.” She curtly replied and cut herself from my list of friends. This touched me and left me defenseless for the next number of weeks. All my friends in States, who knew my relationship with this woman, didn’t make things any better. They felt obligated to update me about her new world acquisitions to my chagrin. Back then, I was evidently envious and mad about my indiscretion of having to let her go. I have since gotten over it and want only the best for her.

Lucy is perfect case that can explain the dilemmas that the modern woman subjects us in our everyday life. The modern woman cannot distinguish between good sex and love. At any given time they are switching goal posts at a frequency that is dizzying to say the least.

You meet a woman, you have a fling with her, she particularly enjoys the way you deliver the goods and she will not get over you. She will call, text, sext and crowd your space to a point of suffocation. Quite frankly, good sex is a rare thing out here. Forget about us men thumping our chest about our sexual prowess. We serve our stories with gallons and gallons of salt. We garnish them with all spices and in the end we become heroes in our own eyes.
Many women would rather keep quiet about their sexual lives.

Those who talk can lie too. They can paint a very rosy picture about the whole thing when for many of them; the word orgasm is simply another word in the dictionary under O. It is no wonder that one of the famous authors of the Mills and Boons classics, who wrote some of the raunchiest novels in the series, died a virgin…..at a 66.

Good sex is just as mysterious as sex and human life. It is relative, variable and inconstant. It is dependent on three things, size (both male and female), skill and experience. For men, size is a complex issue. Women have argued that size does not matter, granted a man knows his plumbing well. But this is a blatantly lie. The fact still remains, the bigger the better. But one must equally know how to wade, the desirable rate of thrusts and all that.

And men on women’s size, ‘the smaller the better’. And personal hygiene is important but we are not going there. Back on track. When a woman founds a man who does the right thing that takes them there, they construe it as love.

Men with good sexual skills are ostensibly like rare tacticians in high demand and thus must expend their skills to as many women as possible.

They have been referred as bad boys, Casanova, Lotharios et al. It pains me to see women insisting that such men must remain monogamous. It is sheer diabolical, nonsensical, ill-advised, misguided, cantankerous, stupid, silly, mad, unrealistic, immature, unwise, awkward (add the rest) of women to have such expectations. It takes a woman with a sexual prowess that corresponds with his to tame him, which is as regular as the solar eclipse.

Relationships are not about sex and when these women sooner discover that, they change the tone. They say, they want a man who will be there for them. My cool buddy, Charles recently pointed out that sometimes, they want money and can overlook every next broke man on the streets. But once you get the money, they want your attention. Unbeknown to them is that for one to have a consistent income, he must be ready to work his ass off, often sacrificing time for the relationship.

Next when they get a man who is not good in bed but can accord them their due attention, listen to them bitch about their careers and hectic times in office, they will lead a contented life. But this again becomes a tad boring. Soon they will start comparing his performance with the previous lovers, insisting that the man must up his game. Talk about having your cake and wanting to eat it too. They will claim that the man is lovable, but chances are they might be tempted to cheat.

Apparently women want the best of both worlds. It is hard to come by a man who comes in full package. You have a cool, hunk guy, very fashionable but hopelessly naïve between the sheets. You have a man with an indescribable shape of the head who is well hung down there and can wreak an orgasm after an orgasm in a woman. Many a time, they are the security guards and shamba boys who now expend conjugal duties in many middle-class families.

Thing is, you cannot have it both ways. Relationships are about three things: physical attractions, emotional security and financial dependency on either sex. Physical attractions and financial dependency precedes the ambiguous emotional security. And it seems to me that we are raising a bunch of unlovable, emotionless women. And it is not funny.

We conclude with Lucy once again. She got all the sex she wanted but more importantly she wanted love and some genes from me. How convenient?

But I loved her candour. She was very honest with me and I can give everything to have her. She can cheat and say. To me it is so much better than being caught and the only explanation is ‘OH MY GOD.’
You can YouTube that Busted classic.




3 thoughts on “Of good sex, love and women

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