Top 8 things that you must do in college

Top 8 things must-dos while in University of Nairobi
Without a doubt, the University is the best place you can ever walk in. You have the access to everything you will ever need in future; beautiful women, handsome men, water, electricity and an education that will certainly transform you into a full, civil, informed and educated citizen. But your social life is as much important as is your academic life is. Here are a few suggestions on how you can enhance your social life…

The advice is hardly sound and I must offer some due precaution that whatever you choose to, do it at your own peril. SAWA? So without much ado, here we go:
1. Smoke crack

Chances are that you joined campus before you tested crack. Smoking marijuana is not a reserve of the spoilt brats. As you should have learnt by now, in university, everything ought to pass an empirical test. So there is no need of you buying that line that drugs are bad. Taste for yourself, in some of these things, experience is the better teacher.

Crack will open your eyes. Will lift the veil that closes your eyes to the other side of the world, where things are greasy, oily, beautiful and magnificent. Bhang, will get you outside yourself. Will bring the best out of you. Test and taste but don’t get addicted. It feels good to be high. To suspend reality, even for a moment.

When you take bhang, you feel on top of the world, but when you will sober up, the world will be on top of you.

2. Have sex on an alley, aisle, office, library, any bush, upon that ugly tree, in the bathroom. Anywhere in the university
This is purely for experimental purposes and always carries a condom with you. Spontaneous sex is superb but often carries with it unimaginable consequences. I believe 97.8% of the readers of this specific blog were as a result of accidental sex. Trust me. Your mum and dad, most certainly were trying some make up sex but you stuck in there. So be careful. Our fathers and mothers had the luxury. HIV and other venereal threats were not exactly existent. Nowadays, you try anything like that and you get yourself a ticket to the next world.

Sex in an outside environment, especially on a moony night is an experience and an opportunity that you should never miss if you want your bank of memories to be worth visiting for withdrawals. Try it. But mostly importantly, with someone you really treasure.
3. If a man get a child out there

I once requested an Engineering chick if we can make a baby like that and she took offence. See, I was serious. Really serious. She took offence.

“That is demeaning, belittling and plain stupid.” She gave me a mouthful. She made me feel like an ingrate. Baby, I was serious. I thought, that with my height and her intelligence, an Albert Einstein was quite in order…

Any way, Patty, I’m sorry. Between 20-24, it is important that you get a young one out there. But please and please and please, don’t abandon responsibility. Marry the woman if possible, if not; kindly be a good father to the child. Also be cautious about the dangers of unprotected sex in this day and age.

4. If a chick, please don’t abort
I know the challenges can at times be insurmountable. But I despise a chick who aborts. I my class, at least some eight women have given birth and quite surprisingly nearly all have given birth to boys. I salute these women. It is the mark of maturity and patience.
If by any chance you slid into that precarious situation, brave it all.

You may never know whether it is an Obama or the messiah you are carrying. But be more cautious the more about men, especially if he chooses to run away.
5. Gays and lesbians are human beings
I hate gays. I loathe gays. I once saw men kiss at Secret Lounge and I have never gone back there. I’m virulently homophobic. A couple of years ago, I could have killed any gay I came across. But with time, sufficient exposure and a critical examination of the world, I have learnt that the gays are not the root cause of our problems.

Think of the guys who do not know how to use public toilets. Think of the Nairobian women who have redefined gold digging into a whole different game. Think of the buggers who impregnate women and disappear. Think of the stupid politicians who, with one silly utterance our lives are at stake. Just think. Think of the corrupt policeman, who lets a car with excess passengers pass only for the vehicle to be involved in a bad accident and many people dying in the process.

So we should learn to appreciate different sexual orientation no matter how repugnant or repulsive their options are.
6. Date a campus dude/chick
It is highly advisable to date while in campus. You might meet your future wife here. Date from different levels of study. Date across the disciplines, the faculties, the schools, the campuses, the institutes. Serve yourself with as much variety as you can access. It is from here you can learn about the jokers and the serious men and women. Those with ambition and those without.

This is highly critical. Phenomenal. Necessary. Important. It is once in a lifetime opportunity. Don’t let it slip.
7. Drink alcohol
Get drunk and wasted. Drink your entire loan. You have minimal responsibilities. No rent. No bills. Just your mouth to feed, imagine. So drink all the alcohol you come across, but bear in mind that such kind of pleasures are limited and no-existent in your future life. Sawa.
8. Get over your prejudices and stereotypes
So Luos are proud and intelligent or stupid. The Kikuyus are entrepreneurs and thieves. The Kaos are loyal and stupid. The Kisiis and Merus are ill-tempered. The Coatarians are lazy…So what. Learn and master these stereotypes. Unlearn their sheer collectivity. Relearn to live with such realities as judging the personalities and not the entire community. It is the mark of a true intellectual.
Above all may education humble all of you…

One thought on “Top 8 things that you must do in college

  1. I believe I should graduate tommorow then because I’ve done pretty much everything on this list..:-)Come to think of it, ive even served myself to a side plate of this main course…And as a point of clarification, I dont believe you can sire anything remotely close to an Albert Einstein version…Cheers!

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