Dating today; going by the female script
By SILAS NYANCHWANI
Dating in Nairobi can be a financially draining activity, especially for the broke chap. Any typical woman who grew up in Nairobi or a village girl who has been assimilated to Nairobian life is classy in her fashion sense, demanding in her manners, unrepentant about her lifestyle and very epicurean in her tastes. It takes a man with enough loose change to take them out since they are proverbially known for their preference for outings to innings. And in deed it is women who are calling shots in the dating scene lately.
With eateries that sell pricey foods and drinks springing everywhere, men can only dig deeper into their pockets. A quick correction though; some women can take care of their bills. But many women are yet to learn the meaning of phrase ‘going Dutch’, although they are the leading crusaders of equality. Nearly all women I have spoken to have admitted to me that they still expect a man to settle the bills as long as he is the one interested.
Any casual observer might have noticed that dating is not what it used to be. Today, it seems women are beginning to take control. Quick pointers include; young men abandoning dingy bars for old men and thronging expensive suburban restaurants or the Trattorias and Tropezs of the CBD. I can bet that men ordinarily don’t care about the ambience, but if you take your typical Nairobian woman to a dingy bar, that will be a human rights issue. Thus lately they must be taken to those classy restraunts. Back then a date was synonymous sex. It involved the lady (yeah, ladies were still existent) coming over to a man’s crib and not to watch a movie as it lately happening. True, women are nearly turning men away from their unduly pelvic-sating preoccupations.
Today a date is not necessarily punctuated with going to bed. Somehow women have managed to convince men with excuses which will have our ancestors laugh at us in their graves. Things like head aches, ‘not being up to it tonight’ and all that we nowadays obligingly give in to (normally against our wishes) were less fashionable when men were in control. Our women have drafted a book titled: Emasculating the Kenyan man; from dogs to men. Most men have read the book and responded to it accordingly. Haven’t we witnessed miraculously if not comic transformations in men that for long seemed far fetched?
Certain things I thought would never occur in our life time have occurred sooner than even the most optimistic romantic would have dreamt. Men nowadays actually shower daily and care about matching colours before walking out of the house. As a female friend pointed out the other day, men are no longer colour blind. Men are fighting pot-bellies and their thoughts are not limited to the bedroom either. Nowadays excursions out of town are very popular (another female idea).Men no longer run pervert thoughts in their mind 24/7.They can take some time to discuss things like Mexican soapss,fashion,romance and anything and everything under the sun.
Men are no longer tight fisted. Dishing out cards and flowers is no longer an annual thing that comes on Valentine. Now they make sense than they did, say ten years ago. At least we nowadays give a damn about birthdays and pain to remember anniversaries. Women, for crying out loud, have spawned a generation of somehow caring men and with their intense campaign of romanticizing the Kenyan man, they can only succeed. Haven’t men become accommodative of the aforementioned excuses?
I will be unnecessarily selfish if I fail to acknowledge a few things about our women though. They are rumoured to be the most beautiful around Africa. At least those who have traveled have attested the fact. Whether thin or voluptuous (read fat), dark, brown or chocolate, you will find them in our Capital. Nowhere in Africa such a variety exists and didn’t someone say that variety is the spice of life? In other places they are mostly beautiful but obese or too dark, but that is a story for another time. Our women take some good time in the bathroom and some more at the wardrobe. Their fashion sense sometimes can be wanting but we (men) are a forgiving lot. They take sometime (OK, a lot of time) at the salon and come out with the best of hairstyles. Pity I can’t say much for their character.
For their efforts men have responded accordingly. We have become relatively loving, caring and considerate. I believe women deserve the best for their trouble. However, I have beef with them. If someone can get me a book on reciprocation I will recommend it to every woman in our streets. The quickest way to disappointment is trying to please a woman. If I can gather all women in the streets under one roof I will teach them the words favour, priveledge and right are not synonyms. Because wherever we extend one, they confuse it for the other. Especially favours and priveledges are invariably treated as rights. We do our best and expect the best in return but what we get are blank stares that condemn all men as perverts. Talk of a raw deal.
I still believe relationships are mutually beneficial and no party deserves less. For men, their demands are obvious and women need not pretend that they cannot read our minds. Our ancestors will hate us since we can’t even handle two women without drama. Our women have us figured out. We cheat. They cheat. The Swahili saying “Mjinga akierevuka mwerevu yu mashakani” is much like it.
So women must learn to return the favours wherever we give them out. I need not belabor the point more.