Dealing with pesky friends of your ex

Dealing with your ex’s friends

They were an indispensable part of your relationship. They were privy to all your happy moments. And unhappy ones too. They intervened many a time when you were mad at each other. They offered much needed advice and guidance when you needed it. They wanted the best for you. But somehow your relationship came to an end. The breakup might have been amicable or acrimonious. How do you deal with people who knew so much about you now that the two of you are not even in speaking terms?

Some of the worst complications of any relationship after a break up come from the oft-complex relationship you had with friends of the ex. Friends can either make things better for the two of you after breaking up or worse. But most of the time, they make it worse. Some behave like vultures ready to jump to bed with you anytime, anywhere. Others will share the raw, murderous hatred of your ex towards you. And others will insist that you make up even when you are so enraged, you can kill.

Friends can be nosy, naught and troublesome. Probably she shared some of the intimate and intricate details of your relationship with her friends. So if you are not well-endowed or if your delivery was not at all that impressive, her friends will be giving you pitiful looks every time you meet. It happens that every time there is a breakup, everyone will claim that it happened on his or her terms. So even if she has stuck with you for far too long, she will have the cheek to label you a weakling in bed. Something about breakups that suddenly opens up one’s eyes.

However, if your performance prowess is proverbial in the circle of her friends, some will secretly try to get you into bed. I call them vultures. Not that men don’t discuss their intimate affairs with peers. For men it is worse. They have the pre-match analysis and the post-match analysis. Pre-match analysis involves examining a woman’s erotic promises vis-à-vis the expectations in bed. Post-match analysis involves confirming their predictions. Only wives fortunately are spared this scrutiny. Thus if he ever confirmed that she is an expert in love making all his friends will be making a beeline to confirm this.

It is easy to go to bed with one of your ex’s because after a break-up one will certainly to rebound person. Close friends of your ex are familiar with the situation; understand your vulnerability and often a good revenge to an erring ex. If you don’t have any moral qualms, you can as well take a vacation to Coast. And of course you are driven by pure lustful admiration rather rationality. But it comes with a price. The information will certainly leak and no matter how innocent you are, you will be condemned and accused for being responsible for the breakup.

After the vultures, there is a group that I loath most; those who share the grief of the ex and will start hating you as soon as you breakup. What used to be amiable hugs and handshakes will suddenly become cold greetings with an attitude. These unprincipled individuals will link any relationship misfortune that befells their friend to you. If you ex is mad at you, they will be madder. If sadder, they will be just that.

For all their good intentions for their friend, they should spare you the agony especially when you meet. You are not a devil for crying out loud. Just as it takes two people to make a relationship, it takes exactly two people to effect a break up. So trying to behave insipidly towards you is childishness at worst.

And you will never know how much they know about your relationship. You can only pray that your partner was discrete with information. Some details are too graphic and unpalatable to the public. But you never know what (s) he said in one moment of excitement. Excitement and reasoning often travel on different roads.

The best way of dealing with these friends is treating them respectably. They may have in small or bigger ways contributed to the breakup but just move on. Treasure the moments you had together and from then henceforth limit your availability. Constant availability just as familiarity breeds a lot of contempt. Resist the temptation to go to bed with one of the friends, it will only complicate the matters further, especially if the other party knew and she still has some attachment left for the man.

A man may not mind his friend going after his former girlfriend but for women I know it can breed so much fuss, you will wonder why you cared so less. It is unforgivable, unacceptable and utterly insulting. So whatever the temptations or intentions, be circumspect. For better and for worse, friends are only a reflection of who we are. So treat them just as you treat the ex but with respect. They certainly owe their loyalty to the boy or girl, unless they are the lustful types.

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